The New Normal

Well, it's been a week since the girls walked through the security checkpoint and magically became adults. A week of new beginnings. A week of learning to be here, without her. Now, really, I didn't imagine this would be too difficult...after all, she's been a young adult for a while. She's been to college for 2 years. She's been working..nights..for a year. I've learned how to wait up at night and not fret because she has to walk to her car alone in the dark. I've learned how to let her manage her college courses, time slots, homework, and friends. I've learned to let her drive, at night, alone, on the freeway. I've learned how to expect that she may not come home because something "better" came up. I've learned that a messy room indicates comfort, not disrespect.

This is different. As I expected it to be, yet not. I thought I would be so busy getting into the new routine, spending time cleaning up, focusing on other people, that it wouldn't be so huge. This is different. She's farther away, yet closer in my mind. She's longer distance, but closer in prayer. She's travelling more, yet I can see her right here with me in the strangest of times and places.

I am so pleased that she is not here. That she is living the plans God has laid out for her. That she desires to stay in contact, even though she is tired and seeing the world. I am pleased. Yet...I miss her so sometimes. It's a good thing. I told Faith the other night that missing her means that we love her so much, and we are a close family. It is a good thing.

It's been a good week. A week of the new normal. I look forward to the next.

Content

I went to a wedding today. It was simple, classy, beautiful. I have never been to a wedding where the father officiates at the marriage of his daughter. It was lovely. It made the Father/daughter dance all the more poignant.

I was really touched by all the sincere inquiries into Heather's journey and health. To chat with old friends, grownup kids, family. The best part was to be able to say, with complete conviction, that Heather is where the Lord would have her to be right now. To share the joy in the journey. Content that she is where she is.

I long one day to watch as my daughter gives her heart away in marriage. I believe this journey is one of the stepping-stones that may lead to that very special day. So I am content to wait. A long time if necessary, until God puts that person in her path, and opens her eyes to behold him.

A good day.

I still prefer to attend weddings with Heather, though.

Talking

Internet connections are the best things in the world right now.
I can talk to my daughter, who is thousands of miles away...and feel like she is just on her cell phone coming home from work/school/church.
It is comforting in the extreme.
Isn't God amazing?!
Thanks, God, for all the wonderful things you bless me with.

Annnd.......They're off!

I kissed my daughter good-bye for the last time for a while.

It was definitely bitter-sweet.

This morning was the craziness I expected. Last minute unpacking/repacking. Last minute changes. Lolly-gagging youngster. Yet, amazingly, through it all, we arrived where we needed when we needed. Without losing any hair. The breakfast was eaten half-heartedly, although the food was good and the company excellent. I think we all had the same thought: let's-hurry-so-we-don't-have-to-cry-anymore-/-I-want-to-hold-on-tight-and-not-say-good-by. Parking at the airport is a nightmare: I can't tell you how much I kept saying over and over: Please God, Please God, just show me where to park! Graciously, He found me a spot under a tree very close so my mother-in-law didn't have to walk far. As we got the bags checked in, everything was smooth. We waited in McDonalds for a half-hour of stilted conversation. We cried in the ladies' room. The security line was mercifully short. They all passed, shoes off and bags ready. As we waived good-bye, they looked so...committed. So peaceful. So adult. And that is part of the purpose here...to raise up godly young women. I think God has a great plan here. I am so glad He is letting me be a part.

So the tears at the gate were copious. Continuous. A great relief. Faith was such a big-girl. She cried but she didn't whine. She didn't hold back her love, or her release. She let go.

Ah, to let go.

Starbucks

Girls are leaving my house all too quickly. As much as I LOVE my quiet time, I don't think I am liking it this week.
Faith left for 3rd grade today. Nervous. Beautiful. Looking so much more grown up than a 2nd grader. And I felt so alone in the car with my Starbucks.
Heather flies away WAY too soon. And then I will be sooo lonely. But not alone, for in the car will be some support. I hope. Then again, maybe not. Maybe we'll have a contest to see who can cry the most: me, Janet, Faith, or Lorene. I bet I win the tissue contest - I blow my nose a lot when I cry! Somehow, I don't think Starbucks will be able to do a thing for me.

Even so...I will not be alone. God is with me. I feel that so strongly. So deeply. So comfortingly. And let's be honest, girls. Starbucks don't hold a candle to what Jesus can do for you.

Waves

This is a hard week. A busy week. A week of revelation.

I thought I could hold out, that I could stay busy and be about the work of getting my girl off to England. As busy as my body had been, as tired as my mind has been, I find myself waking early and repeatedly through the night. Thinking that there is something that I don't - can't - be late for. That I have to hurry so I don't miss it. Restless.

I realized Thursday that I can't keep from admitting it to myself any longer. I am going to be desperately sad with my dearest friend gone. The tears just won't stay away. They come in waves... then recede like the waves on the seashore. I don't know how I'm going to do on the big day ... but I think Faith is going to have major competition for the drama queen award.

Praise God for amazing love and support. He has really bonded Janet and I ... and is working on bonding us with Lorie. I know they are both safe places to run, when I need a woman's voice and a place to cry. No competition there! We'll all be rivers of tears together. And then there is Janice ... my safe harbor when all the lighthouses are dark. She always has a flashlight burning for me.

My sweet, precious, irreplaceable daughter...there are lessons for all of us throughout these next 4 months. Times of growing ... homesickness ... stretching .... wonder .... and a reliance upon God in ways we haven't even thought of. May I find myself as deeply immersed in His love and His word as you will be. May we both be found faithful.

I miss you soooo much already.

Birthday Blaze

I do not usually enjoy celebrating my birthday...for a myriad of reasons. All of them selfish. I want people to think of gifts to give me that I don't have to give input on. I don't want to have to tell people what would please me. I think I am easy.

I am often wrong.

This year was....very pleasing. First of all, I had amazing help unloading a dirty trailer. I got to have the first shower. I got fed lunch without having to cook it myself. and then....I was taken out shopping and to a movie. A whole afternoon of pleasure, pleasurable company, kindness, and no stress. Time with my dearest friend. And lovely gifts. Simple gifts. Gifts full of thought and fun.

Memories for a lifetime...simplicity...friendship...love.

Truly a day of celebration.