Embrace

Exodus 25:31

It is when you are beaten and yet continue to burn bright that the beauty, the reality of the Light of the World is most clearly seen. This means that the point at which you choose to embrace the difficulty that seems to beat upon you is the point where you will see Jesus in ways you've never seen Him before. It is when you're being beaten, when you're in the fiery trial, that Jesus is clearer to you than you ever dreamed possible. ~ Jon Courson

A fiery trial is what I am in right now, and I surely do feel those fiery darts flying at me. How wonderful it is, though, to know that I am in this trial at the Lord's bidding - because He wants to burn away the dross and purify my life. While I welcome the cleansing, the process is surely painful. I wonder how long this stubborn self will fight the work. I don't choose the fight, yet I find my old man hasn't reckoned itself dead. Pride. Habits. Old thought patterns. They are my enemy. They need to be washed in the blood of the Lamb, sometimes minute by minute. I will choose grace. I will choose obedience. I will choose to embrace the difficulty so that I may continue to see Jesus is ways I never have before. I will choose to shine by reflecting the glow of my Savior's holiness and love.

I choose to shine.

Independence

Wow. Today marks the 9th anniversary of the call to come in for my dual-organ transplant. It was funny walking around the Del Mar Fairgrounds a few days ago...it always brings me face-to-face with the decision that changed so many things in my life. The transplant has given me more time, more strength, different challenges, more choices.

I know that God isn't done conforming me into the image of His Son. I am thankful for the time He has given me. I hope to redeem the time, yet realize just how unfaithful I can be. By His mercy and grace, I will stand fast in the hope I have, and run the race with endurance. Keeping my eyes on the prize of the upward call of Christ Jesus my Lord.

Thank You, Jesus, for my life.
Thank you for every breath, every beat of my heart.
Thank you, unknown family, for the lifesaving gift of new organs. I hope to honor your gift with the way I spend my time here.

Independence is a beautiful!

Mother's Musings

Today our girl turns 23. Wow. 23. It sounds so grown up. And...she is. I don't know what she would say are her favorite memories are as a child...mine are easy.

It's funny, being a mom. You would think that the memories would include the pains of childbirth: a month in the hospital with toxemia, only to deliver 4 weeks early and in a sudden rush of panic. I remember how delighted I was that she was a girl - faking everyone else out beforehand to boot. I always wanted a little girl.

The pains of toddlerhood could include: temper, stubbornness, whining, messes, nap-deprivation. What I remember is baking cookies while she sat on the counter, dancing around the room while she giggled, pushing her on the swing in the back yard, coming home after work and her delighted squeal when she saw me.

The pangs of kinders might include: tears at parting, tears at reuniting, tears in the car, refusing to get out of the car, refusing to put toys/clothes/shoes away.What I remember are the smiles when I helped out in class, painting Easter eggs, her friend Steven, jumping waves at the beach as she tanned and glowed. Putting her to bed over and over again because she just didn't want to miss anything.

The "joy" of youth might bring grimaces of : not wanting to wake up ANY morning, bad classmates, changing schools every couple of years, homework, homework, homework. But I remember sleepy warm cheeks, delightful field trips, summer camp counseling as she held my hand and hiked, leaving for a week the first time, baking cookies for me. The RAT party.

The trials of teens might bring moans from: practices for school plays, picking a major for college, MORE homework, driving school, stubborn know-it-alls. I get to reminisce about driving to rehearsals and hearing her sing her parts, driving home from school and sharing confidences, watching as she figured out her hair and makeup, began serving in her own style at church, proudly walking her sister around the block in her little red car. Making me soup on a tray, with flowers when I was sick. Planning an anniversary party with Fifi.

Now, I have an adult. a delightful friend, confidant, and true sister in Christ. We laugh at the same jokes, love the same movies, and introduce each other to different music. I love this young woman who lives in this house. I miss her terribly when she's gone for any length of time. Yet...let her go I will. She has learned how to find her wings, and now uses them to great, good purpose.

Heather...you remain a most delightful treasure from the Lord. Thanks for allowing me to share in the journey.

Happy Birthday beloved daughter.

New Venture

I am seeking the answer to a question....here are the devotionals I just read:

Feb 9th Gen 11:1-3
We should not be surprised when the living stones we live with rubs us the wrong way. It is all part of God's plan to knock off our rough edges so when we get to heaven we'll all fit together perfectly.
Expect it to be hard. Allow others to smooth out your rough spots.
Feb 10th Gen 11:9, Gal 2:28
It is only in Christ that our division is obliterated. There will be division, our unity in Christ will be the peacemaker.

Feb 11th Matt 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you. These things in this case to be: purpose, identity in Christ, security in His provision and protection.
Feb 12 Gen 12:4
God waited for Abram, though he was 25 years delaying in obedience. God wasn't mad. Just as we don't yell at our children when they fall down while learning to walk, neither does God. He knows this is how we learn to walk by faith. Take hope. His mercy is new every morning and His grace is limitless. You will need to walk by faith alone.

Feb 13 Gen 12:7
Wherever you go, build an altar of worship. It will alter who you are, how you feel, and the way you think. Do this in worship of your King, and remember to continue in worship no matter the circumstance.

Feb 14 Gen 12:10-12
Abram saw trials, and falls because he doesn't stay in the land God gave him. He ran to the world. He took matters into his own hands. Man always struggles and stumbles in his area of strength. Consider yourself weak in all areas, rely on God. You will not be strong in this, unless you allow God to do all things.

Conclusion: You WILL struggle. You will need to repent often. You will feel weak. There will be opportunity for division. This will be hard! Pray. Worship. Walk in faith.

New Year

As I sit basking in the warmth of the sun, feeling my hands warm up and ice melt from my heart: I ponder the dead garden in front of me. It's old plants bent, brown, looking forlorn and overlooked. Yet, I know that much goes on beneath the surface. The Lord is never idle. I look forward to spring, to bright light and green shoots. May I be like that plant that springs forth from the dirt: roots already deepening through the winter's dim light. Green shoots reaching for Your light, ready to bud and bloom. May I bear rich, sweet fruit unto You. May my roots ever deepen, not to be found short and stunted but deeply planted, healthy, ready for every good work.

I know that it may be winter here, yet You work still. May my heart not be found icy, bare, brown. May you find the soil readily tilled, awaiting Your work and ready for the seed you will scatter.

Thank You for the warmth that You have spread across my heart, chasing away the winter's chill.

Blurt

Got to do some ministry today...not really feeling like I was prepared, but I sure did pray a lot!

I find that I seek wisdom more than anything when I pray. I feel so ill-equipped, that wisdom is the word that sneaks out so often. Truth be told, it does more than sneak. It almost blurts out. I find great comfort in the verse that says For wisdom is better than rubies, and all the things one may desire cannot be compared with her Prov. 8:11 Thank you, God, that I don't have to determine what wisdom is. You do. Your word is wisdom, Your Holy Spirit gives wisdom, You decide what words I speak and what a person needs to hear as wisdom. You are the answer to every dilemma.

Praise God.

Determination

2 Kings 13:14-19
Elisha had become sick with the illness of which he would die. Then Joash the king of Israel came down to him, and wept over his face, and said, "O my father, my father, the chariots of Israel and their horsemen!" And Elisha said to him, "Take a bow and some arrows." So he took himself a bow and some arrows. Then he said to the king of Israel, "Put your hand on the bow." So he put his hand on it, and Elisha put his hands on the king's hands. And he said, "Open the east window"; and he opened it. Then Elisha said, "Shoot"; and he shot. And he said, "The arrow of the Lord's deliverance and the arrow of deliverance from Syria; for you must strike the Syrians at Aphek till you have destroyed them." Then he said, "Take the arrows"; so he took them. And he said to the king of Israel, "Strike the ground"; so he struck three times, and stopped. And the man of God was angry with him, and said, "You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed it! But now you will strike Syria only three times."

A friend called me today with the above verses, wanting an explanation. I love this. She perseveres, and asks and asks, until she hears what she needs in order to truly comprehend what it is that is being said. She doesn't give up. She doesn't take NO for an answer...she truly wants to hear what the Lord may be saying to her. sigh. I should be so bold sometimes. She really pushes me...to know. To learn. I am truly thankful for her in my life.

As I read these verses, seeking to understand and find a way to relate what I understood...I was humbled. I love when the Lord uses someone to reveal His words to me. I have heard Him say: "be quick to obey." "Humble yourself in My sight." "I have loved you with an everlasting love." Today He reminded me to be determined..work hard...at defeating the enemy in my camp. Not to expect it to just dissipate: I must really WORK at denying my flesh. To simply turn my back to my sin is to ignore it's importance, it's weight, in my life and on my heart. To ignore is to allow it to grow into a giant. To ignore is to forget the power of the cross, and all I have to be thankful for. Repentance, Salvation, Forgiveness. Joash had no great desire to work to kill his enemy - he wanted him to simply go away. Problem: the enemy that isn't vanquished becomes stronger, better equipped, more determined to have it's way. And is much harder to route completely.

On this day of the year, more than others, I am thankful for forgiveness. For the faithfulness of my Father and Savior. For mercy.