Flying

Faith got a new bird today. We've not had birds as pets before, so I'm not really sure how this is all going to go. I do know a dog who thinks this may be an intriguing new toy. Hmmm.  Faith has been assuring us that she is ready for this new responsibility - I love that word as it joins her vocabulary.  I think this is a growing season for her.

2013 has begun with a bang. 1st bang of flu thanks to Heather. And..since we have temperamental plumbing, it decided to quit when we most needed it. As soon as she recovered, Chuck got the flu.  THEN we were able to fix the plumbing. Of course, not to be outdone, one of the the dogs needed an urgent appointment to the vet with pancreatitis.  If this is any indication of how the year is going to go, it's going to be an eventful one!

On another note, our dear Heather is praying about a return to Hungary. She has been asked to go for a 13 month commitment as an intern. What an honor! It has been cause for many prayers, and some wonderful conversations on the mysteries of the Lord and the marvelous ways He works to keep us dependent upon Him alone. I have rejoiced to pray with Heather, wept many tears at the thought of her long absence, and tried to be a good confidante and prayer partner. I am delighted to watch the way our Lord loves on her, stretches her, and completely understands her frame. We don't know what next week will hold (she would need to leave in the middle of next week) but we are so much more sure that God holds us in the midst of whatever will come. Whatever will be, I know that she will have to stretch her wings and fly.

I am so pleased to see how my family is growing and changing. Mind you, I'm not crazy about change myself....but the Lord is gentle and always surrounds me with His presence as He ushers it into my life.
 
Psalm 121:3-4  He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber.  Behold, He who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

My Mother In Law turned 90 years old yesterday.  What an amazing thing to say!  I have been reflecting on all the changes she has seen in her lifetime: from out-houses to high flush commodes, telegrams to smart phones, walking country roads to jets crossing the Atlantic Ocean. She has lived through the Great Depression, picked fruit for wages, washed clothes on a washboard and tub, seen presidents rise and fall, country borders change and the Berlin Wall come down. She has seen American pride rise with the return of war heroes and the fall of the Twin Towers. She is truly an icon of America. She is a sassy lady full of family honor, strength and endurance. She has worked hard, loved richly, and given much. I really admire her.

I wonder what can be said of us when we turn 90?  Did we love with all our hearts? Did we protect and provide for our families? Did we watch our for our neighbors and friends?  Have we learned how to honor those whose lives we have touched, and made the best of whatever the Lord has provided? Have we done more than withhold evil - but returned good?   I want a name that says I have lived in a way that honors my Lord and my family.. I want to hear "well done" when my time here is through.

What would you have said about your life?

14 Years and Counting

Today is Faith's 14th Birthday.  Another milestone - for both of us. I can't help but relive those moments prior to and including her entrance into this world: they were amazing.  Full of what-if's, questions and concerns, and the ultimate statement I had been waiting 7 months to hear: she is a miracle.

Here we are, 14 years later. Lots of lessons learned, and lots more to come. We are both relatively healthy, with much to give God glory and thanks for. Really, that's what I am feeling the most: thankful. This child is a delight to discover as she grows and makes her personality more visible. She has a wonderful sense of humor, a warm heart, a deep love for her close friends and family, and a genuine gift with small children. Her gifts will increase, and develop as she grows - that is the way of things.

I am looking forward to all the future will bring: high school, first date, first prom, first job...the list goes on. It will be a joy to continue to watch her grow, and share in those special moments only Moms get to have. We have such a special part in our kids' lives - we help form their character with our words, our actions, our reactions. I pray that I have, and will continue to prepare her for her life with words of wisdom from the Word of God, with actions that say I believe those Words, and the surety of a Savior who loves her more than anything.

We were blessed with a lovely Skype date with Heather from Hungary.  We had a special breakfast of a cheese omelet and fried potatoes (which the dog helped himself to when her back was turned). We shopped for her special dinner: pot roast, mashed potatoes and cooked baby carrots, with a wonderful peach cobbler for dessert. Then: at her request, we broke out the Christmas decorations and began the mad mess that makes up Christmas. It was a great day, one of sweet memories and little details that make life so sweet. I especially loved the hug and kiss before bed :-)

Redeemed

My brother went home to be with Jesus today. I felt the song above was the only appropriate declaration of his life.  That which he is now, and that for which I am most thankful for.

I am sad, and at peace. I'll probably grieve for a while...but I am thankful I chose to go see him when I did. I got to look in his eyes, pray with him, and make him laugh and smile.He knew who I was, and we reminisced about some sweet times. The last time I saw him, he had fallen asleep with a look of contentment on his face. It was enough.  I know I'll see him in heaven one day - he prayed to receive Jesus as his Lord and Savior while I was there. It gave him peace, helped him rest, and something positive to focus his thoughts on.  I am very thankful for that.  He's my little brother. I'll miss him.  BUT...I will see him one day.  He has been redeemed.

Salt

I recently traveled to Kentucky, and Alabama, to see family. I wish the reasons were more cheerful. Normally, when I think of going back there it is because of a vacation or holiday. Christmas or New Years at my parents is a delight! Summer in Alabama is beautiful - a stark contrast from the desert of San Diego.  This trip, however, was sparked by a very different motivation.

It all began with a packet of salt. A few weeks ago, as we were studying the Beatitudes in Matthew 5, our pastor taught about being salt and light. He challenged us to pray about being salt to the unbelievers in and out of our lives.  I thought at the time that I really don't run into many unbelievers. My life is filled with Christians I know from my church family, my own relatives, and those I know in places I frequent.  I took the salt packet, put it in the pocket of my purse, and decided I would be looking around during the week to see whom the Lord may put in my path to minister to. The week went by, I was able to share some encouragement with someone, and thought maybe that was all there was to it.

2 weeks later, I received an email telling me my youngest brother was in the hospital in Kentucky with complete liver and kidney failure, and doctors had requested any family members that could come, should do so as soon as possible.  I have to admit, I didn't think of the salt packet at first. At first, I grieved.  I grieved for a young life that was wasted with poor choices. I grieved for the loss of a young man with children, that would never see them have families of their own.  I grieved the miles that had separated us for so long, and the baby brother I used to lay awake with on Christmas Eve while anticipating the crinkle of paper and feasts the next day.  But mostly, I grieved because I had no assurance I would ever see him again in heaven. There was no outward sign of a life surrendered  to Jesus as Lord and Savior. No speech to indicate even the smallest desire to want God in his life. No hint of peace.  And as I thought of these things, the message was brought to life. With tears in my eyes, and determination in my heart;  I booked my trip.

I was met by my parents at the airport in Kentucky. We knew our time was short, the doctor's message had made that clear. I won't go into the details of that visit - it's just too personal right now. What I do want to say, is that when we left a new soul was destined for heaven and angels were rejoicing. It was bittersweet: bitter because it took so many years of wasted pride before he was willing to surrender. Sweet, because we know without a doubt that the Holy Spirit prepared our hearts and his, for the work He wanted to do.  We had 15 minutes of perfect clarity, unity of the Spirit, and joy and peace evidenced on all our faces. I know that I will see my brother again - eternally. What joy there is in that assurance!

As I flew home, I happened to reach into the pocket of my purse for my phone. Underneath it, was a tiny salt packet. Still intact, still white, purposed there for me to find. I took it out and sat in awe at what it symbolized: God preparing my heart, the trip, the purpose He had when He placed those wonderful words on my Pastor's heart. I wrote my brother's name and his new 'birth date" on it. I wanted to give it to my Pastor: evidence of fruit from a  loving Father and His obedient servant.

Time Passing

Firsts here have made way to seconds. Faith went on her first "teen" outing: a concert at House of Blues.  We were truly blessed as a close family friend was able to give up her time and eardrums to take her. This precious soul is an extra blessing, as she is truly vested in Faith's well-being and spiritual growth. She has really helped ease the ache of missing a big sister.  Faith hasn't been a big music lover until now - now she is experiencing the joy of listening and following her favorite artist. It's funny to me how the times have changed. When I was a teen, we only knew of our idols from listening to the radio, buying albums or 8-track tapes, and occasionally listening in if a friend happened to be graced with a special ticket to a concert. Nowadays, you can follow your favorite band on Facebook, Twitter, and their own private blogs and webpages. You can go to concerts live, or via the web. And yet....things remain the same. The same giggle, the same glow, the same fantasies in a youngsters heart over a man who makes music. Times don't really change all that much, do they?

I am getting ready to send my 2nd box off to Hungary. The first one took only 6 days to receive, and the letter I sent 7 days, so I am feeling very confident!  I have considered many times what should go in, how much room I have, how much money I should spend...all the joy of my heart in anticipation of the look on her face when she receives it. I love a little surprise tucked in with the practical.  Heather did send me a list of necessities, especially with her outreach coming up the middle of October. I have been watching the weather there and trying to anticipate needs. Oh! the fun a little box can bring.

A second month is ready to begin over in Hungary. It seems so strange to say that she has been gone a whole month! I know that things are settling down into the "new normal' for her. The calls to and from there  are less, the hours of sleep are more, familiarity has helped ease the distance from those we love.   There is lots of humor, new languages to learn, and trips to plan for from this new base of operations. What a tremendously loving and comforting God we have, to make this transition with and for us!  For I see Him stretching us on both continents. In different ways perhaps, but always with the same goal: conforming us into the image of Jesus. He is a faithful God, good and kind. I am excited to see what else He has for us to experience.

Autumn is coming here, for while the weather is still  hot I can see the change in the lighting. We're getting some moisture in the evening, the light is a little more golden, the days are beginning to shorten.. I am really looking forward to some frosty mornings, rain dancing on leaves, and wearing a sweater from time to time.  It's just another way to say: God makes everything beautiful in it's time (Eccl. 3:11)

The world is a little smaller

 

This is what Europe looks like when you view it on a map. It seems large, distant, and the names and places seem so foreign when you are sitting in California looking at it.  I know...I look at the map on the wall in Heather's room often. I try to imagine what she is seeing at that time of day, the people she is meeting, and the things the Lord is showing her. She can seem so very far way.  Then: a wonder happens. She calls me on Skype, and her voice and face fill the room. Her laughter brings smiles, her trials bring tears, and the amazement of all the Lord of the universe is speaking to her fills me with awe.  The world in not so small after all, when we can connect with the loved ones that are there.

Now that Heather lives in a foreign country, I am getting exposed to all kinds of new things.  Roommates from Brazil that chat about their families and the God that brought them to this new country.  I hear stories of a girl from Syria, called by the Lord but who couldn't arrive for an extra week because her government was in uproar.  I hear the sounds of a new language, trying to form familiar words spoken here.  I learn of a country full of fragrant flowers, raindrops on leaves, 'wellies' and raincoats, tea parties and homework, and I realize how very small this world is after all.

It is a wonderful thing, this map. I find that it unites me to peoples I have never met. It makes me compassionate towards the needs of people I may never meet until we are all in heaven. It makes me realize afresh, how sweet it is to embrace God's plans. For, while I know He is working far away in Hungary, I also know He is working here, on my side of the map.  What a small world, when it is held in the Father hands.

A Couple of "Firsts"

Time is marching along...I can't believe it is September!  We had a couple of "firsts" this week. Faith started at a new school, and we had student/parent orientation. It is a very different atmosphere from her previous school, one more relaxed and, hopefully user-friendly! Time will tell as we explore the new options and classes, get to know the teachers and students. I am really looking forward to more time together, learning about each other and how we relate to each other. Communication skills should grow, and respect and enjoyment of each other as well. At least...that's what I am hoping for! :-)  Time will tell.

The second "first" is that I sent a box to Hungary. I bet not too many of you can say that! I really enjoyed sending little boxes of love to Heather when she was in England. Little sillies, some things to make her feel cozy, a Turkey pin for herself and her friends for Thanksgiving. I expected to have as much pleasure sending to Hungary.   It was funny doing all the research online, speaking with people at the Post Office, and  finding prices for the box. Now, it's not a large box.  It only has a few necessities and a few oddities, maybe one or two items designed to bring a smile. The charges I got left me reeling! One company wanted over $300.00, the other one over $250.00!  You would think I was mailing the crown jewels in a 6 pound box!  Thankfully, the United States Post Office is still in business! I was able to send my box for a fraction of the cost...now to wait and see how long it takes to reach her! I have heard it can take up to a month. This is the part of the call to stay home that I am honored to do. The Lord has provided the items to send, the finances to pay for the mailing, and a sweet sense of fellowship with Him as I imagine her opening the package. You see, HE is there with her. HE guided my purchases and sent me to a very patient gentleman at the Post Office to send my box through. He goes before me and will oversee this package. Nothing is too small for my God's notice. I rest in that in so many things. HE is faithful.

Necessary Tools

Well, here I am again. I find myself in familiar territory while at the same time, feeling as if it's the first time.

Heather has flown away to Bible College. This picture is from the Los Angeles Airport, just before she went through security to places we cannot follow. We just aren't equipped with the necessary tools.

The Lord has been equipping Heather for this moment since the day she had to return from England. She wanted to stay then, longed and begged to be allowed to stay: it just wasn't the right time. She has been seeking the Lord for His timing, His plan, His will in her desire to be in Europe getting her bachelor's degree. I love that the Lord waited until she was content to serve wherever He called, then He called her to Himself for what I call a "4 month Retreat." He has been equipping her this whole time for this time, this place.   I sit back in awe at how he has moved so many obstacles. HE is an amazing God!

The familiar here keeps catching me unawares. How often I find myself thinking " Heather isn't here to do ______."  For example: my fashion consultant is now in Hungary, 9 hours ahead of me.  My late-night movie buddy is now without a TV (or movies, since we couldn't find room in her luggage.)  My Bible Study discussion person is  learning the book of Genesis - we're in the New Testament.  My computer expert is asking ME to google info for her - that part is really funny!  There are many occasions she will miss here: Faith's first concert (oh my...),  birthday party planning (oh my again!), and so many other events. I think it's grand that the Lord is showing me what a large part of my life she has a part in, and how much I enjoy her company and creativity.  I know that part of taking her there is to remind me to depend on Him even more than I do. In a  big way, He is drawing me closer. I am thankful for the reminder that I am not alone.

I would have loved to have walked Heather through the security check point. To have shielded the eyes of the person who did her body scan at the airport. I would have loved to accompany her on the plane, and walked the hallways of the Belgium airport during her 8  hour layover. I love to travel, I like airports, I am curious about many things.   Again..I am not equipped. I had no ticket, no passport, no money, and most importantly: no call from the Lord to GO. My call is to stay. Stay here, persevere in prayer, love on my family from close up, and and love from afar the one far away.  I will be faithful in my call, because it is the place of blessing, and I know that God is faithful in His part.  I rest in that, rejoice in that, and completely commit Heather in it.

Family Date Night

I think this says it all....We went to a Padre game and worshiped with MercyMe (Field level for the concert part, thank you very much) and the girls went to dinner and hung out. SWEET!

I find it remarkable that we can sit in a major league baseball park, and sing praises to our God. In so many places, just naming the mighty name of Jesus is cause for great bodily harm, censure, even death. I rejoice that I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation. I rejoice that last night I got to meet a new sister in Christ, Marie, and share part of my testimony with her. I got to learn of her, and lift our voices together in worship of our King. Where else can you meet someone new and already consider them part of your family? God is amazing!

It was rightly done, that as we all filed back out of the ball-field, we believers found ourselves singing still, as a worship song played as we exited. For while the band was done performing, we were still worshiping our King.

Thanks for a great night, MercyMe. You set our hearts to worshiping, you set our minds on sweet fellowship, you lifted up the name of Jesus. I look forward to the day when we all get to do it to His face.

Thank you, beloved husband, for sharing the experience and walking this path with me. I am a blessed woman.

The Harvest is Plentiful

Time flies, whether we blink or not. It's been a busy few months - not with major accomplishments or huge dramas, just the day in and day out business of life. My youngest just finished 6th grade, with a great amount of confidence learned and applied, and faith tested and found to hold. She ventured to 6th grade camp - teary eyed and boxes of Kleenex emptied she boarded the bus. Glowing, dirty and calm she returned 5 days later. A lesson on God's faithfulness and love learned in the sweetness of friends and counselors.



We planted seeds this spring. Seeds of fruits, of vegetables, trees blossomed and vines grew. We planted in hope. In expectation. We also planted in certainty that something fruitful, something good would return to us. We watered regularly, we watched out for predators and pests and dealt with them when they inevitably appeared. And now, we are seeing the fruit of our labors. Our trees are growing weighty with fruit. Our tomatoes are reddening on the vines. Our blackberries are ripening by the bunches and boysenberries eaten by the handfuls. I am ready to pick the first crop of nectarines from my tree, as the birds have proven the fruit is ripe.




There has been another type of harvest in my life, one in which I am most blessed and in awe. Seeds had been planted years ago in this precious one. Pests had been picked off this lovely plant with counsel and prayer. Weeds had been tended, sometimes in mumbles and sometimes in raging. Water was poured out over her, time and time again. I must admit that hope had grown dim. Then came that glorious day when the fruit had ripened and was ready to be harvested. She accepted Jesus as her savior on Mother's Day. Oh, how sweet! Hope deferred was hope received. The wonder of God's timing! It was such a great reminder to me to never give up. To persevere in prayer and to continue to water that seed until it grows. God's word never returns void!

What this summer will bring, the Lord knows. We have ideas of activities, thoughts of rest and play. I want to be useful. To redeem the time until the Lord returns, or takes me home. The harvest is plentiful, may I be useful to the Master of the harvest.

Hope

It's John 3:16 day!
"For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever would believe in Him should not perish but have eternal life." AMEN!
3 years ago today I sat with my father-in-law, watching the sun rise after a night of heavy rain, as he went home to be with Jesus. Wow. What a wonderful picture of hope and healing. God does all things well, and that morning was especially beautiful. The cold rain had left tiny icicles on the leaves of trees and blades of grass, on windowsills and posts. These were lit with stunning colors from the incredible sunrise AND rainbow the Lord chose to send to give us peace and, joy. Yes, joy. We knew he was home.

I miss my father-in-law. He was a man of many gifts. He was a man of great intelligence, which belied his level of schooling. He was a man of many jokes, some off-color but always meant with humor, not hate. He was a strong man, full of honor and a sense of courtliness. He treated women with respect. He loved a good debate, which he seldom lost (that he admitted to, anyway :D) He had a strong sense of country and family. He seldom said "I love you" but always showed you in every way that he did, in fact, love you very much.

I am glad to say that this verse was one he believed in very strongly. I know that I will see him one day in glory, because he lived out his belief. He wasn't a typical, outward Christian, but one that lived each day knowing where his future lay. Even through the cancer, the pain, the setbacks, he knew where he was headed.

I hope you have this hope of heaven, and healing. If not, please consider this verse. It was said, for YOU. So you, too, would have joy.

A new year every day

Here we are, awaiting the end of 2010. I find it kind of amusing how much we look forward to a new start in the new year. Why is it that we have to wait for a particular day to start anew? God tells us that His mercies are new every morning (Lam 3:22, 23), so we aren't given the Word as an example. And yet, here we are...so many waiting to celebrate the passing of the old, and welcome the new.
I hesitate to bring this up, but I have been pondering Romans 5:20b lately which says " but where sin abounded, grace abounded much more." This might lead us to think that we should feel free to sin, that God's grace may be even more apparent. I have been practicing this a little the last couple of weeks. I have wholly given myself over to the gluttony of chocolate and sugar. Cookies, candy, M & M's a specialty, all the while thinking that I will become so sick of the taste and effect that giving them up will be so much simpler. Ah, the lies we believe! I find that my tolerance has increased, as well as my craving for such unhealthy fare. Much like tolerance to sin. The more we indulge, the higher our tolerance and insensitivity to the healthy and whole.
Which brings to mind Romans 6:1,2,15 "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin to death, or of obedience to righteousness?"
I don't know about you, but I don't want to wait for a special day to declare myself dead to sin and alive to righteousness! Why wait when I am missing so many blessings from not choosing kingdom living? Chocolate: be gone! You are death to my body, and sin in my mind. I choose a new year, every day!

Adoration

There are many Christmas Carols sung each year. Some playful, some jolly, some telling tales of wishes and hopes, some poignant and sweet. For me, there is a progression:

An acknowledgment that I am not resting in what the Lord has to offer me each season: Peace. Peace with Him, Peace from Him, Peace to pass on to others





This is one, each year, that no matter what my day has held, my time obliterated, my unfeeling heart missed, will stir in me such depth of thankfulness and worship that I can but weep. It sets the stage in my heart for Christmas.




Which leads me to
ADORATION.




Happy Birthday, Jesus! Thank you for leaving heaven, to live here, in order to reconcile me to the Father and lead me home.

Bebo

On a day like this
I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world
The commotion that never seems to stop

And on a day like this
I want to run from the routine
Run away from the daily grind
That can suck the life right out of me

I only know of one place I can run to…

CHORUS:
I want to hide in You
The way, the life, the truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And you become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies
That trick my eyes
They say it's all about me

I'm so tired of it being about me

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring you glory

Thanks, Bebo, for capturing my heart in words I couldn't express.

Walls

A tiny gray blur jumped out at me this morning as I was reaching for more traveling cups in my garage. I was startled, to say the least! A mouse had climbed out of my stash of hot cocoa mix and ran away, only 6 inches from my bare feet. I shrieked. I believe this was an appropriate response to such an occasion.

It has caused me to ponder, however, my safeguards. You see, there had to have been an entrance for that little rodent, in order for it to have an exit. It must have located a "chink" in the wall. In the ancient world, a city without walls was a city completely open and vulnerable to its enemies. They had no defense, no protection at all. I had felt that my foodstuffs were safe in that pantry, easily accessible and at my fingertips when needed. Now, I feel violated.

I have a wall spiritually, as well. A Rock and a Fortress. His name is Jesus, and I feel completely protected when I am in the shelter of His walls. Psalm 139:4 says He hedges me in behind and before. This is wonderful comfort! And yet...I have my part - my response - as well. Jude 1:21 tells me to keep myself in the love of God. I am to keep falling in love with Him, keep remembering that He alone is my shelter and my protection. And so, I ponder. Have I allowed any "chinks" in my wall of love? Have I allowed anything that is a lie to drown out the truth? Have I allowed a love for anything in this world come up against my love for my Savior? Have I grown listless in checking my defenses? Is my armor (Ephesians 6) on and firmly fastened?

I know that my dear husband will deal with that small intruder. He is wonderful that way. I also know that my God can deal with any small intruder I have allowed to creep in. He is completely wonderful in every way.

He Knows Best

Except from the book "Surrender, the Heart God controls" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Quoting 'Living Sacrifice', by Dr. Helen Roseveare

To be a living sacrifice will involve all my time. God wants me to live every minute for Him in accordance with His will and purpose...No time can be considered my own, or as "off-duty" or "free."

To be a living sacrifice will involve all my possessions...All should be available to God for the furtherance of His kingdom. My money is His...He has the right to direct the spending of each penny...I must consider that I own nothing. All is God's, and what I have, I have on trust from Him, to be used as He wishes.

To be a living sacrifice will involve all of myself. My will and my emotions, my health and vitality, my thinking and activities all are to be available to God, to be employed as He chooses, to reveal Himself to others. All rights are His - to direct my living so that He can most clearly reveal Himself through me. God has the right, then, to choose my job, and where I work, to choose my companions and my friends...

To be a living sacrifice will involve all my love...I relinquish the right to choose whom I will love and how, giving the Lord the right to choose for me...I must bring all the areas of my affections to the Lord for His control, for here, above all else, I need to sacrifice my right to choose for myself.

I need to be so utterly God's that He can use me or hide me, as He chooses, as an arrow in His hand or in His quiver. I will ask no questions: I relinquish all rights to Him who desires my supreme good. He knows best.

Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service (of worship).

Embrace

Exodus 25:31

It is when you are beaten and yet continue to burn bright that the beauty, the reality of the Light of the World is most clearly seen. This means that the point at which you choose to embrace the difficulty that seems to beat upon you is the point where you will see Jesus in ways you've never seen Him before. It is when you're being beaten, when you're in the fiery trial, that Jesus is clearer to you than you ever dreamed possible. ~ Jon Courson

A fiery trial is what I am in right now, and I surely do feel those fiery darts flying at me. How wonderful it is, though, to know that I am in this trial at the Lord's bidding - because He wants to burn away the dross and purify my life. While I welcome the cleansing, the process is surely painful. I wonder how long this stubborn self will fight the work. I don't choose the fight, yet I find my old man hasn't reckoned itself dead. Pride. Habits. Old thought patterns. They are my enemy. They need to be washed in the blood of the Lamb, sometimes minute by minute. I will choose grace. I will choose obedience. I will choose to embrace the difficulty so that I may continue to see Jesus is ways I never have before. I will choose to shine by reflecting the glow of my Savior's holiness and love.

I choose to shine.

Independence

Wow. Today marks the 9th anniversary of the call to come in for my dual-organ transplant. It was funny walking around the Del Mar Fairgrounds a few days ago...it always brings me face-to-face with the decision that changed so many things in my life. The transplant has given me more time, more strength, different challenges, more choices.

I know that God isn't done conforming me into the image of His Son. I am thankful for the time He has given me. I hope to redeem the time, yet realize just how unfaithful I can be. By His mercy and grace, I will stand fast in the hope I have, and run the race with endurance. Keeping my eyes on the prize of the upward call of Christ Jesus my Lord.

Thank You, Jesus, for my life.
Thank you for every breath, every beat of my heart.
Thank you, unknown family, for the lifesaving gift of new organs. I hope to honor your gift with the way I spend my time here.

Independence is a beautiful!

Mother's Musings

Today our girl turns 23. Wow. 23. It sounds so grown up. And...she is. I don't know what she would say are her favorite memories are as a child...mine are easy.

It's funny, being a mom. You would think that the memories would include the pains of childbirth: a month in the hospital with toxemia, only to deliver 4 weeks early and in a sudden rush of panic. I remember how delighted I was that she was a girl - faking everyone else out beforehand to boot. I always wanted a little girl.

The pains of toddlerhood could include: temper, stubbornness, whining, messes, nap-deprivation. What I remember is baking cookies while she sat on the counter, dancing around the room while she giggled, pushing her on the swing in the back yard, coming home after work and her delighted squeal when she saw me.

The pangs of kinders might include: tears at parting, tears at reuniting, tears in the car, refusing to get out of the car, refusing to put toys/clothes/shoes away.What I remember are the smiles when I helped out in class, painting Easter eggs, her friend Steven, jumping waves at the beach as she tanned and glowed. Putting her to bed over and over again because she just didn't want to miss anything.

The "joy" of youth might bring grimaces of : not wanting to wake up ANY morning, bad classmates, changing schools every couple of years, homework, homework, homework. But I remember sleepy warm cheeks, delightful field trips, summer camp counseling as she held my hand and hiked, leaving for a week the first time, baking cookies for me. The RAT party.

The trials of teens might bring moans from: practices for school plays, picking a major for college, MORE homework, driving school, stubborn know-it-alls. I get to reminisce about driving to rehearsals and hearing her sing her parts, driving home from school and sharing confidences, watching as she figured out her hair and makeup, began serving in her own style at church, proudly walking her sister around the block in her little red car. Making me soup on a tray, with flowers when I was sick. Planning an anniversary party with Fifi.

Now, I have an adult. a delightful friend, confidant, and true sister in Christ. We laugh at the same jokes, love the same movies, and introduce each other to different music. I love this young woman who lives in this house. I miss her terribly when she's gone for any length of time. Yet...let her go I will. She has learned how to find her wings, and now uses them to great, good purpose.

Heather...you remain a most delightful treasure from the Lord. Thanks for allowing me to share in the journey.

Happy Birthday beloved daughter.