Into the Deep

Family Date Night

2011-09-18T19:31:00.000-07:00

I think this says it all....We went to a Padre game and worshiped with MercyMe (Field level for the concert part, thank you very much) and the girls went to dinner and hung out. SWEET!

I find it remarkable that we can sit in a major league baseball park, and sing praises to our God. In so many places, just naming the mighty name of Jesus is cause for great bodily harm, censure, even death. I rejoice that I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation. I rejoice that last night I got to meet a new sister in Christ, Marie, and share part of my testimony with her. I got to learn of her, and lift our voices together in worship of our King. Where else can you meet someone new and already consider them part of your family? God is amazing!

It was rightly done, that as we all filed back out of the ball-field, we believers found ourselves singing still, as a worship song played as we exited. For while the band was done performing, we were still worshiping our King.

Thanks for a great night, MercyMe. You set our hearts to worshiping, you set our minds on sweet fellowship, you lifted up the name of Jesus. I look forward to the day when we all get to do it to His face.

Thank you, beloved husband, for sharing the experience and walking this path with me. I am a blessed woman.

The Harvest is Plentiful

2011-06-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

Time flies, whether we blink or not. It's been a busy few months - not with major accomplishments or huge dramas, just the day in and day out business of life. My youngest just finished 6th grade, with a great amount of confidence learned and applied, and faith tested and found to hold. She ventured to 6th grade camp - teary eyed and boxes of Kleenex emptied she boarded the bus. Glowing, dirty and calm she returned 5 days later. A lesson on God's faithfulness and love learned in the sweetness of friends and counselors.

We planted seeds this spring. Seeds of fruits, of vegetables, trees blossomed and vines grew. We planted in hope. In expectation. We also planted in certainty that something fruitful, something good would return to us. We watered regularly, we watched out for predators and pests and dealt with them when they inevitably appeared. And now, we are seeing the fruit of our labors. Our trees are growing weighty with fruit. Our tomatoes are reddening on the vines. Our blackberries are ripening by the bunches and boysenberries eaten by the handfuls. I am ready to pick the first crop of nectarines from my tree, as the birds have proven the fruit is ripe.

There has been another type of harvest in my life, one in which I am most blessed and in awe. Seeds had been planted years ago in this precious one. Pests had been picked off this lovely plant with counsel and prayer. Weeds had been tended, sometimes in mumbles and sometimes in raging. Water was poured out over her, time and time again. I must admit that hope had grown dim. Then came that glorious day when the fruit had ripened and was ready to be harvested. She accepted Jesus as her savior on Mother's Day. Oh, how sweet! Hope deferred was hope received. The wonder of God's timing! It was such a great reminder to me to never give up. To persevere in prayer and to continue to water that seed until it grows. God's word never returns void!

What this summer will bring, the Lord knows. We have ideas of activities, thoughts of rest and play. I want to be useful. To redeem the time until the Lord returns, or takes me home. The harvest is plentiful, may I be useful to the Master of the harvest.

Hope

2011-03-16T07:55:00.000-07:00

It's John 3:16 day!
"For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever would believe in Him should not perish but have eternal life." AMEN!
3 years ago today I sat with my father-in-law, watching the sun rise after a night of heavy rain, as he went home to be with Jesus. Wow. What a wonderful picture of hope and healing. God does all things well, and that morning was especially beautiful. The cold rain had left tiny icicles on the leaves of trees and blades of grass, on windowsills and posts. These were lit with stunning colors from the incredible sunrise AND rainbow the Lord chose to send to give us peace and, joy. Yes, joy. We knew he was home.

I miss my father-in-law. He was a man of many gifts. He was a man of great intelligence, which belied his level of schooling. He was a man of many jokes, some off-color but always meant with humor, not hate. He was a strong man, full of honor and a sense of courtliness. He treated women with respect. He loved a good debate, which he seldom lost (that he admitted to, anyway :D) He had a strong sense of country and family. He seldom said "I love you" but always showed you in every way that he did, in fact, love you very much.

I am glad to say that this verse was one he believed in very strongly. I know that I will see him one day in glory, because he lived out his belief. He wasn't a typical, outward Christian, but one that lived each day knowing where his future lay. Even through the cancer, the pain, the setbacks, he knew where he was headed.

I hope you have this hope of heaven, and healing. If not, please consider this verse. It was said, for YOU. So you, too, would have joy.

A new year every day

2010-12-31T15:37:00.000-08:00

Here we are, awaiting the end of 2010. I find it kind of amusing how much we look forward to a new start in the new year. Why is it that we have to wait for a particular day to start anew? God tells us that His mercies are new every morning (Lam 3:22, 23), so we aren't given the Word as an example. And yet, here we are...so many waiting to celebrate the passing of the old, and welcome the new.
I hesitate to bring this up, but I have been pondering Romans 5:20b lately which says " but where sin abounded, grace abounded much more." This might lead us to think that we should feel free to sin, that God's grace may be even more apparent. I have been practicing this a little the last couple of weeks. I have wholly given myself over to the gluttony of chocolate and sugar. Cookies, candy, M & M's a specialty, all the while thinking that I will become so sick of the taste and effect that giving them up will be so much simpler. Ah, the lies we believe! I find that my tolerance has increased, as well as my craving for such unhealthy fare. Much like tolerance to sin. The more we indulge, the higher our tolerance and insensitivity to the healthy and whole.
Which brings to mind Romans 6:1,2,15 "What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin to death, or of obedience to righteousness?"
I don't know about you, but I don't want to wait for a special day to declare myself dead to sin and alive to righteousness! Why wait when I am missing so many blessings from not choosing kingdom living? Chocolate: be gone! You are death to my body, and sin in my mind. I choose a new year, every day!

Adoration

2010-12-16T23:38:00.000-08:00

There are many Christmas Carols sung each year. Some playful, some jolly, some telling tales of wishes and hopes, some poignant and sweet. For me, there is a progression:

An acknowledgment that I am not resting in what the Lord has to offer me each season: Peace. Peace with Him, Peace from Him, Peace to pass on to others

This is one, each year, that no matter what my day has held, my time obliterated, my unfeeling heart missed, will stir in me such depth of thankfulness and worship that I can but weep. It sets the stage in my heart for Christmas.

Which leads me to
ADORATION.

Happy Birthday, Jesus! Thank you for leaving heaven, to live here, in order to reconcile me to the Father and lead me home.

Bebo

2010-12-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

On a day like this
I want to crawl beneath a rock
A million miles from the world
The commotion that never seems to stop

And on a day like this
I want to run from the routine
Run away from the daily grind
That can suck the life right out of me

I only know of one place I can run to…

CHORUS:
I want to hide in You
The way, the life, the truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And you become clear
As I disappear

I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies
That trick my eyes
They say it's all about me

I'm so tired of it being about me

I would rather be cast away
Separated from the human race
If I don't bring you glory

Thanks, Bebo, for capturing my heart in words I couldn't express.

Walls

2010-11-17T08:21:00.000-08:00

A tiny gray blur jumped out at me this morning as I was reaching for more traveling cups in my garage. I was startled, to say the least! A mouse had climbed out of my stash of hot cocoa mix and ran away, only 6 inches from my bare feet. I shrieked. I believe this was an appropriate response to such an occasion.

It has caused me to ponder, however, my safeguards. You see, there had to have been an entrance for that little rodent, in order for it to have an exit. It must have located a "chink" in the wall. In the ancient world, a city without walls was a city completely open and vulnerable to its enemies. They had no defense, no protection at all. I had felt that my foodstuffs were safe in that pantry, easily accessible and at my fingertips when needed. Now, I feel violated.

I have a wall spiritually, as well. A Rock and a Fortress. His name is Jesus, and I feel completely protected when I am in the shelter of His walls. Psalm 139:4 says He hedges me in behind and before. This is wonderful comfort! And yet...I have my part - my response - as well. Jude 1:21 tells me to keep myself in the love of God. I am to keep falling in love with Him, keep remembering that He alone is my shelter and my protection. And so, I ponder. Have I allowed any "chinks" in my wall of love? Have I allowed anything that is a lie to drown out the truth? Have I allowed a love for anything in this world come up against my love for my Savior? Have I grown listless in checking my defenses? Is my armor (Ephesians 6) on and firmly fastened?

I know that my dear husband will deal with that small intruder. He is wonderful that way. I also know that my God can deal with any small intruder I have allowed to creep in. He is completely wonderful in every way.

He Knows Best

2010-09-03T21:14:00.000-07:00

Except from the book "Surrender, the Heart God controls" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Quoting 'Living Sacrifice', by Dr. Helen Roseveare

To be a living sacrifice will involve all my time. God wants me to live every minute for Him in accordance with His will and purpose...No time can be considered my own, or as "off-duty" or "free."

To be a living sacrifice will involve all my possessions...All should be available to God for the furtherance of His kingdom. My money is His...He has the right to direct the spending of each penny...I must consider that I own nothing. All is God's, and what I have, I have on trust from Him, to be used as He wishes.

To be a living sacrifice will involve all of myself. My will and my emotions, my health and vitality, my thinking and activities all are to be available to God, to be employed as He chooses, to reveal Himself to others. All rights are His - to direct my living so that He can most clearly reveal Himself through me. God has the right, then, to choose my job, and where I work, to choose my companions and my friends...

To be a living sacrifice will involve all my love...I relinquish the right to choose whom I will love and how, giving the Lord the right to choose for me...I must bring all the areas of my affections to the Lord for His control, for here, above all else, I need to sacrifice my right to choose for myself.

I need to be so utterly God's that He can use me or hide me, as He chooses, as an arrow in His hand or in His quiver. I will ask no questions: I relinquish all rights to Him who desires my supreme good. He knows best.

Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service (of worship).

Embrace

2010-07-09T00:07:00.000-07:00

Exodus 25:31

It is when you are beaten and yet continue to burn bright that the beauty, the reality of the Light of the World is most clearly seen. This means that the point at which you choose to embrace the difficulty that seems to beat upon you is the point where you will see Jesus in ways you've never seen Him before. It is when you're being beaten, when you're in the fiery trial, that Jesus is clearer to you than you ever dreamed possible. ~ Jon Courson

A fiery trial is what I am in right now, and I surely do feel those fiery darts flying at me. How wonderful it is, though, to know that I am in this trial at the Lord's bidding - because He wants to burn away the dross and purify my life. While I welcome the cleansing, the process is surely painful. I wonder how long this stubborn self will fight the work. I don't choose the fight, yet I find my old man hasn't reckoned itself dead. Pride. Habits. Old thought patterns. They are my enemy. They need to be washed in the blood of the Lamb, sometimes minute by minute. I will choose grace. I will choose obedience. I will choose to embrace the difficulty so that I may continue to see Jesus is ways I never have before. I will choose to shine by reflecting the glow of my Savior's holiness and love.

I choose to shine.

Independence

2010-07-03T20:52:00.000-07:00

Wow. Today marks the 9th anniversary of the call to come in for my dual-organ transplant. It was funny walking around the Del Mar Fairgrounds a few days ago...it always brings me face-to-face with the decision that changed so many things in my life. The transplant has given me more time, more strength, different challenges, more choices.

I know that God isn't done conforming me into the image of His Son. I am thankful for the time He has given me. I hope to redeem the time, yet realize just how unfaithful I can be. By His mercy and grace, I will stand fast in the hope I have, and run the race with endurance. Keeping my eyes on the prize of the upward call of Christ Jesus my Lord.

Thank You, Jesus, for my life.
Thank you for every breath, every beat of my heart.
Thank you, unknown family, for the lifesaving gift of new organs. I hope to honor your gift with the way I spend my time here.

Independence is a beautiful!

Mother's Musings

2010-04-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

Today our girl turns 23. Wow. 23. It sounds so grown up. And...she is. I don't know what she would say are her favorite memories are as a child...mine are easy.

It's funny, being a mom. You would think that the memories would include the pains of childbirth: a month in the hospital with toxemia, only to deliver 4 weeks early and in a sudden rush of panic. I remember how delighted I was that she was a girl - faking everyone else out beforehand to boot. I always wanted a little girl.

The pains of toddlerhood could include: temper, stubbornness, whining, messes, nap-deprivation. What I remember is baking cookies while she sat on the counter, dancing around the room while she giggled, pushing her on the swing in the back yard, coming home after work and her delighted squeal when she saw me.

The pangs of kinders might include: tears at parting, tears at reuniting, tears in the car, refusing to get out of the car, refusing to put toys/clothes/shoes away.What I remember are the smiles when I helped out in class, painting Easter eggs, her friend Steven, jumping waves at the beach as she tanned and glowed. Putting her to bed over and over again because she just didn't want to miss anything.

The "joy" of youth might bring grimaces of : not wanting to wake up ANY morning, bad classmates, changing schools every couple of years, homework, homework, homework. But I remember sleepy warm cheeks, delightful field trips, summer camp counseling as she held my hand and hiked, leaving for a week the first time, baking cookies for me. The RAT party.

The trials of teens might bring moans from: practices for school plays, picking a major for college, MORE homework, driving school, stubborn know-it-alls. I get to reminisce about driving to rehearsals and hearing her sing her parts, driving home from school and sharing confidences, watching as she figured out her hair and makeup, began serving in her own style at church, proudly walking her sister around the block in her little red car. Making me soup on a tray, with flowers when I was sick. Planning an anniversary party with Fifi.

Now, I have an adult. a delightful friend, confidant, and true sister in Christ. We laugh at the same jokes, love the same movies, and introduce each other to different music. I love this young woman who lives in this house. I miss her terribly when she's gone for any length of time. Yet...let her go I will. She has learned how to find her wings, and now uses them to great, good purpose.

Heather...you remain a most delightful treasure from the Lord. Thanks for allowing me to share in the journey.

Happy Birthday beloved daughter.

New Venture

2010-02-16T13:54:00.000-08:00

I am seeking the answer to a question....here are the devotionals I just read:

Feb 9th Gen 11:1-3
We should not be surprised when the living stones we live with rubs us the wrong way. It is all part of God's plan to knock off our rough edges so when we get to heaven we'll all fit together perfectly.
Expect it to be hard. Allow others to smooth out your rough spots.
Feb 10th Gen 11:9, Gal 2:28
It is only in Christ that our division is obliterated. There will be division, our unity in Christ will be the peacemaker.

Feb 11th Matt 6:33
But seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you. These things in this case to be: purpose, identity in Christ, security in His provision and protection.
Feb 12 Gen 12:4
God waited for Abram, though he was 25 years delaying in obedience. God wasn't mad. Just as we don't yell at our children when they fall down while learning to walk, neither does God. He knows this is how we learn to walk by faith. Take hope. His mercy is new every morning and His grace is limitless. You will need to walk by faith alone.

Feb 13 Gen 12:7
Wherever you go, build an altar of worship. It will alter who you are, how you feel, and the way you think. Do this in worship of your King, and remember to continue in worship no matter the circumstance.

Feb 14 Gen 12:10-12
Abram saw trials, and falls because he doesn't stay in the land God gave him. He ran to the world. He took matters into his own hands. Man always struggles and stumbles in his area of strength. Consider yourself weak in all areas, rely on God. You will not be strong in this, unless you allow God to do all things.

Conclusion: You WILL struggle. You will need to repent often. You will feel weak. There will be opportunity for division. This will be hard! Pray. Worship. Walk in faith.

New Year

2010-01-08T15:32:00.000-08:00

As I sit basking in the warmth of the sun, feeling my hands warm up and ice melt from my heart: I ponder the dead garden in front of me. It's old plants bent, brown, looking forlorn and overlooked. Yet, I know that much goes on beneath the surface. The Lord is never idle. I look forward to spring, to bright light and green shoots. May I be like that plant that springs forth from the dirt: roots already deepening through the winter's dim light. Green shoots reaching for Your light, ready to bud and bloom. May I bear rich, sweet fruit unto You. May my roots ever deepen, not to be found short and stunted but deeply planted, healthy, ready for every good work.

I know that it may be winter here, yet You work still. May my heart not be found icy, bare, brown. May you find the soil readily tilled, awaiting Your work and ready for the seed you will scatter.

Thank You for the warmth that You have spread across my heart, chasing away the winter's chill.

Blurt

2010-01-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

Got to do some ministry today...not really feeling like I was prepared, but I sure did pray a lot!

I find that I seek wisdom more than anything when I pray. I feel so ill-equipped, that wisdom is the word that sneaks out so often. Truth be told, it does more than sneak. It almost blurts out. I find great comfort in the verse that says For wisdom is better than rubies, and all the things one may desire cannot be compared with her Prov. 8:11

Thank you, God, that I don't have to determine what wisdom is. You do. Your word is wisdom, Your Holy Spirit gives wisdom, You decide what words I speak and what a person needs to hear as wisdom. You are the answer to every dilemma.

Praise God.

Determination

2009-11-25T21:09:00.000-08:00

2 Kings 13:14-19
Elisha had become sick with the illness of which he would die. Then Joash the king of Israel came down to him, and wept over his face, and said, "O my father, my father, the chariots of Israel and their horsemen!" And Elisha said to him, "Take a bow and some arrows." So he took himself a bow and some arrows. Then he said to the king of Israel, "Put your hand on the bow." So he put his hand on it, and Elisha put his hands on the king's hands. And he said, "Open the east window"; and he opened it. Then Elisha said, "Shoot"; and he shot. And he said, "The arrow of the Lord's deliverance and the arrow of deliverance from Syria; for you must strike the Syrians at Aphek till you have destroyed them." Then he said, "Take the arrows"; so he took them. And he said to the king of Israel, "Strike the ground"; so he struck three times, and stopped. And the man of God was angry with him, and said, "You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed it! But now you will strike Syria only three times."

A friend called me today with the above verses, wanting an explanation. I love this. She perseveres, and asks and asks, until she hears what she needs in order to truly comprehend what it is that is being said. She doesn't give up. She doesn't take NO for an answer...she truly wants to hear what the Lord may be saying to her. sigh. I should be so bold sometimes. She really pushes me...to know. To learn. I am truly thankful for her in my life.

As I read these verses, seeking to understand and find a way to relate what I understood...I was humbled. I love when the Lord uses someone to reveal His words to me. I have heard Him say: "be quick to obey." "Humble yourself in My sight." "I have loved you with an everlasting love." Today He reminded me to be determined..work hard...at defeating the enemy in my camp. Not to expect it to just dissipate: I must really WORK at denying my flesh. To simply turn my back to my sin is to ignore it's importance, it's weight, in my life and on my heart. To ignore is to allow it to grow into a giant. To ignore is to forget the power of the cross, and all I have to be thankful for. Repentance, Salvation, Forgiveness. Joash had no great desire to work to kill his enemy - he wanted him to simply go away. Problem: the enemy that isn't vanquished becomes stronger, better equipped, more determined to have it's way. And is much harder to route completely.

On this day of the year, more than others, I am thankful for forgiveness. For the faithfulness of my Father and Savior. For mercy.

Mat

2009-11-19T19:41:00.000-08:00

I was HERE...and it was really wonderful.
Thanks, Lord, for music.

Backwards Bash

2009-11-16T09:03:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Faith's 11th birthday with a fun "backwards" party. We hung meatballs and pasta, cheese and crackers from the ceiling.

We decorated chef's aprons with puff paints

We served wacky food: this is meatloaf topped with mashed potatoes.

We served "spaghetti and meatballs" for cake. It was actually red velvet cake topped with butter-cream frosting and Oreo/cream cheese meatballs.

What a great time we had...memories to last a lifetime!

A picture, a sound

2009-11-16T08:35:00.000-08:00

A picture of: a runaway slave (Old Testament times), who thinks her wants and ways are the only ones that matter. She's in the marketplace, looking around. Nothing that meets her eye really satisfies her desires, yet she keeps running to the same, familiar places.

Selah.

Visions are such revealing things...

Oh, to put my Master's wants and ways before my own every time. To lose self. For my battle with grace and justice to be clearly applied to myself: that I would accept His grace and forgiveness without casually dismissing its greatness. To know true repentance in response to that grace. To remember the depth of the greatest love that ever lived, and that it lived and died for me. To serve wholly - with all my heart and all my strength

A sound of: Christmas. A hammer striking a nail, repeatedly.

Yes, angels sang to welcome Him...really, they sang to let us know that He was here. To announce His presence. He came in response to our need. My need. He left glory for a sin-soaked world full of rejection and hate that crucified Him. As it was so aptly put: Jesus went dumpster-diving. He dove, that I might know true repentance in response to grace.

Lord, thank you that you love the prodigal.

2009-09-22T12:57:00.000-07:00

O Lord, You lift up my head!
Praise YOUR holy name!

2009-09-18T22:47:00.000-07:00

I received this in a "fortune" Cookie:
"It is not enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well."

Funny where wisdom comes from...we surely have to be careful to weigh everything through the fine sifting of the Word of God.

I certainly enjoyed this one, though. Just WHO writes these little gems, anyway???

Look Up

2009-09-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

What to do when sadness overwhelms you? When depression wants to grab hold and stay? When the past creeps back in and sets you back years? When all the old emotions, fears, and anger rear their ugly faces and stare at you in the mirror?

Pray. Pour out your soul before the Lord. Whom better to understand your feelings? He loves that person or persons more than you ever could. He is the Comforter.

Pause. Hold your tongue until a proper time and proper attitude to discuss the situation. A heart of love and a motivation to heal the breach not beach the relationship. A soft answer turns away wrath.

Trust. God works all things together for good, to those who love God and are the called according to His purpose. Put your hope in Him.

We can't do this with our eyes fixed on us. Look up - See His eyes fixed upon you. He loves you.

Bebo

2009-09-10T14:03:00.001-07:00

I was feeling kinda blue today, and turned to my old friend, Bebo Norman. His voice soothes my soul and reminds me of truths that I may have forgotten to remember. He speaks, and I remember: praise, worship, and thankfulness.

Thank you, Lord, for the tools You have given us to bring us constantly back into fellowship with You. I am constantly touched and awed by Your great love for me.

2009-09-09T23:27:00.001-07:00

Be still, My daughter

September 4, 2009

The word for today is kindness. Oh, how to be patient and kind amidst a mess?!

YOUR words to me: sweetness and light.

Then she said, "Sit still, my daughter, until you know how the matter will turn out;
Ruth 3:18a (NKJV)

'Take heed, and be quiet; do not fear or be fainthearted Isaiah 7:4a (NKJV)

I will be still, and know that You are God.

15 For thus says the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: "In returning and rest you shall be saved;
In quietness and confidence shall be your strength."

Isaiah 30:15 (NKJV)

Danger

2009-09-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

August 23

an excerpt from Flashbang, Mark Steele, p 181-182

You do the same things over and over again. That's not working things out. That's keeping them stale. You can't allow something to fade away and then be angry it's gone.

I would be happy to bring you a miracle, but what you asked for was to be fixed.
~I don't understand. A miracle would fix it.
Certainly. But if you don't change, the same habits will lead to the same paralysis all over again. If you want permanent health, then you will have to change. For you to change it will require a process, not a miracle.
~There's danger involved.
There's always danger involved. This time I allowed you to see it.
~This is a little shocking.
Moments of honesty always are. So the question remains: would you rather have a quick fix or would you rather change? Would you rather be fed miraculously while lost in the wilderness or grow your own food in the land I have promised you?

Miracles are easy, change is hard. Lord, I desire change. Please don't let me settle for a miracle.

Boldly Vulnerable

2009-08-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

August 12

an excerpt from Flashbang, Mark Steele, p. 132/133
"It is actual truth that changes others. Actual truth coming out of ourselves, not orchestrated truth. Not "just enough truth" but the whole enchilada. Does this mean every person needs to see every wart and blemish inside of me? No, it does not...I have to be open to the fact that He may ask that I reveal some of my flaws and hurts to those I least want to when I least want to do it. That is
36 the difference between a grenade and a flashbang. A flashbang only lets out what is impressive while a grenade throws every bit of itself out there when the pin is pulled... This is about being open to God saying "this truth to this person right now."

2 Tim 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
The answer to every question is that God has given me a sound mind to accomplish His will. He will empower me to say what needs to be said when it needs to be done. His Spirit will reveal what I need as I try to rest in His leading. The body and mind are for His good pleasure and purpose.
2 Tim 1:9 (GOD) has saved (me) and called (me) witha holy calling, not according to (my) works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to (me) in Christ Jesus before time began.

Father, thank you for speaking to me, not only in Your Word, but in the words of others. Their experiences, their hurts, their vulnerability. I am learning this lesson: how to be transparent while still giving You glory at all times. How to be vulnerable without losing my sense of worth. Not every story to every person - yet to be bold to share the deep hurts and mistakes when called to - to be truly accountable to an inner circle.

New path, old friend

2009-08-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

An old friend of Heather's is getting married tonight ~

What precious thoughts that provokes: singing practice on the way to the Christmas play. Meals on wheels. Camping with 103 temp and not telling me because she didn't want to have to leave. Jr. High Camp in the mountains. Getting ready for Bible College in England. It strikes me that this child / woman has been a part of our lives since we joined our church. Her family was one of the first to bring us a meal when I was very ill. Her mom knowingly brought her children when delivering the meal, knowing that I had a daughter who was probably bored and scared. Her mom helped me feel welcome my first time at Women's Retreat. This young lady was always a phone-call away when Heather needed a companion, even if they hadn't spoken for quite some time. She always felt like a welcome addition, even more, a family member. Much like a cousin that lives not too far away and just makes themselves at home whenever they show up. I have loved watching her grow, mature, find her callings, make mistakes and learn from them, become a young woman. She is truly precious to me.

I love her choice (actually, God's choice for her) for a mate. He's a great guy, totally suited to her personality. As she is suited to his. I love most that God had a plan for her - and kept her on that path to bring her to this place of joy. She could have turned aside. Settled for less than God's best for her. She certainly had opportunities. She chose the hard part - said no to the easy and kept her eyes fixed on Jesus.

I look forward to tonight - the culmination of a dream and the beginning of a new lifestyle.

I look forward to the day I will celebrate God's choices for my daughters. Until then, I celebrate the marriages of her best friends. The ones who chose to travel the path with her, and continue in the paths chosen for them.

What a great God!

Mindset

2009-08-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

Rom 8:5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit.

What is your mindset today? Does it run in ruts, jagged with dryness and monotony? Does it run over the same tired ground, fixed on the same perceptions and judgments? We have the choice to be refreshed by the Spirit on a daily, moment by moment basis. We can be led by the flesh, or led by the Spirit. The two do NOT operate simultaneously. We can take each day's experiences and allow them to run like water down the ruts of our past, or we can allow the Spirit to channel them into the new life, and new way of thinking, that we received at salvation. It takes some practice. A lifetime of practice. Oh, but the delight of a new way of seeing people, experiences, "accidents", insults, and injuries. We can chose to learn, to forgive unconditionally, to pour out grace.

All in the Spirit.

Looking Forward

2009-08-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

Just made our reservations for our 25th Anniversary trip. I am SO excited!! A whole week alone with my honey, beautiful scenery, and hopefully very little cooking.
He sure takes good care of me!

Impart Grace

2009-07-30T07:32:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the tongue. James 3:6 And the tongue [is] a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. We all know the dangers of a loose tongue - we've been burned to a crisp at times by a wayward tongue. If we were to stop at this verse in James, we would be forever lost. I LOVE that God gives us a choice: cursing or blessing. We can proceed with necessary edification and soothe another. A verse keeps coming to mind: a soft answer turns away wrath (prov 15:1a. This is so very true when speaking or correcting my children. They do NOT respond well to loud voices and harsh tones. They seem to be particularly sensitive to them. In the Spirit, I have the choice not only to speak softly and bestow a blessing, but to THINK this way also. WOW. I am finding more and more lately that my thoughts are returning to remembering the Word, and it's power. I see and hear myself more and more having these thoughts, and it humbles me. Refreshes me. Reminds me of the love of my Savior.

Ranch Time

2009-07-25T23:23:00.000-07:00

Faith went to camp this past week at Rocking Horse Ranch.

She really hit her stride here! She came home every afternoon filthy, wet (water-games), and beaming. What a marvelous place this is - and what a change in our child. This organization takes in abused and neglected horses, and rehabilitates them by bringing in during the year "at risk" youth. They teach the horses to trust again, and the children the value of character: trust, love, patience, and hope. What a sweet setup! We had the privilege to go for a week and see the miracles they perform when they bring in a few school-age children for a week of camp for a treat.

Faith found a good friend in "Cody" - a horse she says is "a good boy, mom!" During the showcase on Friday, we got to watch her lead this horse through an obstacle course, then ride him through again. Her counselor/trainer told us that she had "perfect execution." Good job, Faith! It was a delight to watch her encourage this horse, take gentle control, and conquer a few fears.

Mail Call!

After that, we were treated to a time of "line dancing" - they learned 3 different dances and showed us them all. What fun stomping in the dirt, doing improvisation, and showing off their acting abilities! Good, clean fun.

We finished the course of the evening with a lovely BBQ dinner, then a tour of the facility and of course a meet and greet with your favorite horses.

After all was said, done, danced, and ridden, we found this to be a great place. Faith learned so much about herself, her gifts and talents, and took on some new challenges she may never have tried without it. I'm so glad God provided the means, the place, and people to bless us all so very much. We sure look forward to coming back again...soon!

Wings

2009-07-11T00:04:00.000-07:00

I'm so proud of Heather.

She's stepping out in faith on a venture quite different than the past, taking on new responsibilities and new people, and going with little direction. I know that fear could easily overwhelm her...as she gets more and more details, the more the enemy of her soul would like to distract, dismay and discourage her. She is standing strong ~ to be more precise, she is kneeling strong. I know she is covering herself in prayer. I am often found convicted by her remarks, her wisdom, her convictions. I know she's ready.

It is so good to have her here, yet I know that the Lord has so much bigger and broader things to take her to, and see her through.

My heart is glad for her. I love to see her spread her wings, and fly.

2 Hands

2009-06-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

Father, grant me an undivided heart.

Day in the Park

2009-06-21T16:48:00.000-07:00

Heather and I had some fun with her camera while awaiting the Bridal Shower Bonanza for her friend Donna last weekend. Thought you'd like a peek at the things we do to kill time in a public place. (I only posted the flattering ones)

She's a silly girl, and I love her to death. You would have to appreciate the fact that I abhor my picture being taken, as I seldom like anything that the camera produces when it is pointed in my direction. Somehow, I expect to appear differently than the image my mirror gives. Go figure.

Visitation

2009-05-29T21:57:00.000-07:00

My parents are here visiting, and I am reminded how much I really like them. How much fun we have just laughing...old jokes, new puns, sweet times. I know most people think I am much like my mother. I see so many ways in which we are quite different. and yet...the things we share are remarkable. intimate. worthy.

I love having them here. (sweet sigh)

First Showing

2009-05-21T20:32:00.000-07:00

I got to see a wondrous sight today - my daughter's art hanging in a gallery. Wow.

As I wandered about, looking here and there, I must admit to being cautious. You never know what you will see in an art gallery: nude paintings that are graphic, lewd poses, twisted sculptures that reveal too many illicit medications, or just plain bad art. Sometimes I get surprised with something sweet, poignant, or just plain funny. Lately, though, not so much. It seems that the minds of so many have become so jaded and worn, they can only find things to criticize or debauch, instead of things to motivate and entrance. Today was no exception.

This was an art gallery at the college she attends. Much of the art was from students that had been in classes for several semesters. Frankly, just to be allowed to display there was an honor. When she applied (strongly encouraged by her teacher) we were totally thrilled. She is, after all, only in her second semester of photography class. We love her photography. She has a way of making something simple leap out of the photo and grab your heart. This was something simple: hands. Her grandmother's hands. Yet the message they offered was deep. There is such beauty revealed in these simple black and white photographs, it causes you to pause and wonder: what story are my hands telling? You'll have to decide for yourself what the story is when you see them - that's the beauty of art. You can participate. Which is why I am so leery when entering a gallery - I may not wish to participate in what is being offered. I am after all supposed to be sanctified, am I not? Anyway, to be encouraged to apply was amazing. To be chosen to be shown, and have a chance at an award: breathtaking.

So here I was, wandering around, secretly trying to see if anyone saw what I did hanging on the wall behind the reception desk. MY daughter's artwork. Next to what some might think was similar work, but it lacked the depth, precision, and story that hers offered. No competition. And while I didn't find that hers had won an award, I was no less touched and awed by the fact that it hung there. Her first showing. Splendid, I might add. As I walked away, I wondered how such art is rated. If by the heart, then hers had first place.

In HIS light

2009-05-18T09:48:00.000-07:00

He was a burning and shining lamp, and you were willing to rejoice for a while in his light. John 5:35

I was thinking about how we can be so content to shine in the light of another - a good sermon, good worship, praying with another. These are all good things, but not the needful thing. The needful thing is to spend such sweet time in the presence of Jesus ourselves, that WE shine. Truly, it is Jesus who shines in us - yet when we spend time with Him in prayer, in the Word, in meditation of His Word, we get to shine. We get to be the light, the vessel that overflows with joy and the Spirit.

I don't want to be content to rejoice in another's light, but to BE light myself.

Distracted Disciple

2009-05-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

Watch this, then we'll talk:

Retreat is in 2 weeks. I told someone that I didn't think I could wait that long for a touch from Jesus. I got to praying, and thinking about what I'm holding back, what I'm keeping in reserve, how I got to be in this place. I figured out that it doesn't really matter. What matters is what I'm going to do about it.

Repent.

How about you? How's the flame inside you for Jesus? A spark, and ember, or a full-on bonfire? Are you living your life as if Jesus is returning TODAY? Or are you putting off until tomorrow what you should have accomplished last week?

Well, it's time obedience and praise were the first things on my list. Not to mention more time in fellowship with the One who owns me body, soul and spirit. Remembering that I have been bought with a price, redeemed. Ransomed. Raised from the dead to new life.

Now, to live it! Fervent Love in action.

Carpet machines and power washers

2009-04-05T22:03:00.000-07:00

So, I'm standing here with a rented carpet cleaner in one hand, a power cord in the other, contemplating spots. Spots on my carpet. Spots that I find rather disheartening, because no matter what I treat them with or how hard I scrub, they always surface again. Disgusting.

I began thinking about me, my spots. The behaviors I choose, the attitudes, the downright rebellion I choose to live in. Let's call it what it is: sin. Disturbing.

Which leads me to consider Jesus. HE is the only real cure for spots. He alone can make them disappear - be truly clean. And He does, with His blood. His purposeful, determined, death. His suffering and pain make me wholly clean again. How thankful I am that these spots, these sins, never surface again! Once forgiven, they are "power-washed" away.

Thanks for the spots in my carpet, Father. For leading me to consider the stains, and the cures. While ones on my carpet may be disheartening, the cure for the other is redeeming.

Thank You, Jesus, for Easter.

Of Geraniums and Geography

2009-03-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

I was picking dead leaves off the geranium plant my mom gave me before she left, looking at this funny plant and trying to see it as she did. I'm not a big geranium fan. In fact, I let my sister take most of them and kept just this one. It's been hanging in my 'green house' for almost a week now, and I was noticing how the branches (?) have changed direction, reaching toward the new sunlight. And then I saw it. The first bloom - a small white flower with a hint of purple inside. I had such a sense of wonder - this plant had been shoved in the back of a car. Piled up with other plants. Rattled around on a dirt road, then an asphalt highway and driven at a fast pace to reach another house. Shoved around and mangled a little as it's previous porch-mates were chosen or reorganized. Then, off to it's final destination. Hung by it's chain in the garden area and watered (much out of pity) and left to see what would happen.

It bloomed.

It helps me when I think about my parents. I would love to see how they are faring - see what they see and feel as they get their details settled, house put down, furniture arranged. I would like to see how the changes affect them - temperature, humidity, geography, culture. They, too, have been rattled around trying to make decisions. Packing away treasures, and giving away treasures. Final chores, final purchases, final sales, final farewells. Then scooting down the road in a breakneck pace to make it before the moving truck arrives with items to help them feel at home.

I have a feeling they are doing much as my geranium. Adjusting to the new light. Spreading their branches. And...peeping underneath, blooming.

It's a great comfort to me that the Light is the same. The same Jesus is with them there as was with them here. The same warmth holds them, waters them, feeds them, and enjoys their blooming.

Welcome home, both of you. The geranium, and the parents. May you both enjoy your new geography for many years to come.

Sadly Monday

2009-03-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

It's Monday, and I already miss my mom.

I have spent a week getting ready for her to leave. She and my dad are moving to Alabama this week, which I knew was coming. It's funny how you can have information, know a date, and still not be involved in the actual happening. I spent a week that way. Working hard on getting a blanket made - a photo quilt full of memories for them to take with them. I think there's a tear in every tiny stitch. My mom has been my friend my whole life - something I have always treasured, something I have always stood on. No matter how far I have wanted to go sometimes, I have always had that reassurance that she would be there when I returned. Well, now it's her turn to go. With no returning - that's the part I struggle with.

It's Monday, and I already miss my dad.

He's the guy I met when I was 18, who taught me that it's ok to be me. That I had value that men could appreciate (if they were smart!) He makes me laugh. He makes me want to be better than I am. I have been blessed to see him go from an unrepentant sinner to a loving man who puts Jesus first and his family a very close second. He's our guardian, and no Doberman Pinscher could out-protect him!

I guess my heart is having a time figuring the difference between a funeral, and a good-bye party. They seem awfully similar.

I am going to choose the better part. The rock that my mom has always been for me, she learned from standing on THE Rock, Jesus. She has always welcomed the prodigals in our family home, as the Father does. Her friendship and warmth is found in Him, and she just passes it along. My protector is ultimately God, although He has given me a great example in my dad, that came with a bear hug and a smile. My comforter: the Holy Spirit, who has led my parents for years and continues to guide us all.

I thank God that He gave me such parents. I needed them. I pray that He blesses their every step, that He uses them mightily wherever they go, and they find all they need in Him day by day. Lord willing, we will visit. Often. Until then, God will be with us all.

An Oldie, but a Goodie

2009-02-27T22:41:00.001-08:00

I wrote this a long time ago, it seemed fitting to post it now.

Too Hard To Serve

Mal 1:13 NLT
You say, `It's too hard to serve the Lord,' and you turn up your noses at His commands," says the Lord Almighty. "Think of it! Animals that are stolen and mutilated, crippled and sick-presented as offerings! Should I accept from you such offerings as these?" asks the Lord.

This cut me to the quick this morning. You see, I had a conversation with someone just the night before about how we make compromises with the areas of weakness (sin) in our lives. It just seems too hard to drive that enemy out of the land. So, we get comfortable. We decide it isn't all that bad - we're not hurting anyone. We're not openly blaspheming God. We're not murdering or anything like that. We make excuses. We decide that it really isn't something God wants us to conquer today.

I know. I was shown a giant in my life that needs addressing. In fact, I've been shown it a few times. And, to be honest, I did try to chase it out. Funny thing about those giants, though. You really have to get to know them head-on in order to see them for what they are. Get to know the hold they really have on the land. See all the ways they are cheating you out of a safe home and a good harvest. We don't really want to pay tribute to these encroachers, do we? Somehow, I just seem to run out of steam, or desire, or just plain attention.

I forget the reason why I am to drive the enemy, or giants, from my life. For how do I offer myself as a sacrifice of worship to my God and King if I am full of the blemish of repetitive sin? How can He accept me if I am putting this thing before Him in priority and importance? It is a slap in His lovely face! I know He is merciful to me. I know it well!

And so... I will begin. I will identify fully this giant. This enemy of my soul. I will persevere, by the great grace of God, to slay this evil thing that I let come between me and my King. I will ~ for I want to be that sweet-smelling aroma that reaches to bless my Savior. I know there is no power or even thought in and of myself to do this task. It is in the power of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God that I will overcome. In His power and might - I will serve.

Choosing Wisdom

2009-02-25T09:37:00.000-08:00

'Redeem the time.'

'Bring everything to God.'

'Be timely.'

'You are more than a judge.'

I have looked back lately at my walk, and this is a short list of some of the things I remember the Lord speaking to me. The last was rather amusing, because it came in a dream and I NEVER remember my dreams. This one is sticking, though, and I am busy pondering it. I am delighting that I hear His voice. I am wondering what the next weeks will hold. I seem to be invited to help in some new areas, and truly delighting in each endeavor. I LOVE to help out! My heart wasn't in it for a spell, but I believe the Lord has turned the light on again and is saying: " Here are things you can do now. Choose."

I want to use the words He has spoken, and choose wisely. Redeeming the time I struggle with. I am not a good person when it comes to everyday duties. I procastinate. I forget how long something may take. Mostly, I just get sidetracked easily. When I am doing something at church, however, that seems to be a different matter. Oh, that I would really get that everything I do is to be unto the Lord!

Bring everything to God is another one. I often go about the day-to-day activities and forget that He is here, wanting me to bring it all to Him as a sacrifice of worship. It's easy to pray about serving the body for an event - somehow this housework stuff just doesn't seem like an event. He wants to be part of everything I do, and I am an independent cuss sometimes.

Be timely. Love that one! Timely with...encouraging words for a struggling student. Correction for a poor choice. When to praise the dog - when to ignore the dog. When to greet my spouse and ask questions, when to let him be to recover from a hard day. So many details, so much that just isn't about me.

You're not just a judge - can't really define that one well, yet. I remember Deborah sitting under the tree and Mamre, and people coming to her to settle disputes and for wisdom. I remember her going with Barak because he lacked conviction without her. Just not sure how it all applies to me, or what I am to do with it. But God...He will reveal it in it's perfect time. Blessedly, He is keeping it fresh in my memory and close in my prayer time.

I rejoice to hear the voice of my Savior.
I love that the light is on, and pray that it glows from inside me.
Now....to choose.

Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established;
By knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.
Proverbs 24:3,4

Revelation

2009-02-04T11:32:00.000-08:00

"You are not a problem to be fixed. You are a work of art being revealed".

I heard this line this morning on the way home from running errands, and it struck me so powerfully. God is revealing a work. Not just a foundation, or a warehouse, or a tilt-up concrete storage unit. He is revealing a work of art. ME.

Eph 2:7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in [His] kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

In God's amazing grace, He pours out riches upon us. The amazing part: He is revealing a work of art. He is in the process of revealing Himself in us, His glory. Now, isn't that worth striving for? Enduring for? Persevering for? AMEN, it is! I don't have to be looking for the finished work yet - if I were I would be sadly disappointed. The finished product isn't here yet. You see, He's not finished with me yet. Oh, how I do look forward to it, though. You see, I know what it will look like. I have an inside view. Come closer, I'll tell you. (whisper) It's God's glory in me!!! I will be like JESUS! OH!!!! Won't that be wondrous to behold?! Until then, I get to watch Him reveal the work of art that He is making. I get to become more lovely, every day as I allow Him to mold and change me. As I quit fighting the work of His hands. As I listen to the hammer and the feel the sandpaper. I must admit, sometimes it is painful. Sometimes I don't want to change. Sometimes I want the path that changes me to be easy, not a rocky uphill climb with huge thorns and snowstorms and rock slides to trip me up. The valleys can be so low. The hill so high to climb.

I can't wait to see the final work...sigh.

Hermit Crabs

2009-01-21T22:04:00.001-08:00

I had become one. A hermit crab, I mean. I'm not really sure how it happened, I just looked up one afternoon and realized I was one.

My husband thought I was depressed.
Not sure what my kids thought.

I lacked motion. I wanted to be home. Stay home. Be with the kids, not with my friends. No coffee dates. No dinner out. No lunches or bagels or coffee. Just home.

It came to me later. A check. A quiet voice. A scratch at my shell, as it were.
I had allowed the cares of this world to still His voice, and allowed my thoughts to turn inward instead of upward.

Then, after a meeting with a precious saint, I got hold of the real problem: my heart had grown cool toward my King. I had forgotten to praise. Now, I am not normally a depressed person. I don't have major emotional outbursts or highs and lows. I am generally joyful. Kinda like that crab that just goes about it's business and keeps on moving along. Yet I had let my joy slip away, and didn't even notice it's passing. Praise God for that saint, that listened to my heart and didn't judge me. She simply agreed that my assessment was correct, and pointed up.

I'm glad crabs aren't all hermits. I'm really glad that hermit crabs don't stay in the same shell and refuse to move onto better homes, better pastures. I am even more glad that I, too have moved on. Praise is so sweet! God's Word so rich. Now, I look up.

Simple Basics

2009-01-19T22:22:00.000-08:00

Rubenstein, the great musician, once said, "If I omit practice one day, I notice it; if two days, my friends notice it; if three days, the public notice it." It is the old doctrine, "Practice makes perfect." We must continue believing, continue praying, continue doing His will. Suppose along any line of art, one should cease practicing, we know what the result would be. If we would only use the same quality of common sense in our religion that we use in our everyday life, we should go on to perfection. Streams in the Dessert

Prayer. The simplest of the Christian basics, yet the one we so easily dismiss. We don't see the answer as we supposed, or we don't see it as a need that requires prayer. Or, we just don't stay focused. Whatever the reason, the answer is clear. Pray. Whether you don't take the situation seriously, or you seriously don't understand your deep need for communication with your Lord - you are lacking.

Every situation requires prayer. Getting up in the morning- and what you may face. Having coffee, or not. Which way to get to work/school/the gym. When to speak to the child's teacher. When to speak to your spouse about that thing in the garage/check book/doctor's office. What to say to that friend/co-worker/clerk/rude driver. What to make for dinner.

I am finding this to be more truth than I have realized before. More needful each moment. More precious. More challenging. God wants me for Himself. He wants to have fellowship with me, more communication. He wants to find me listening. Talking, sharing. See, the funny part in all this, is God. He desired communication with me. Fellowship. with Me.

The more I pray, the more I find to pray about. The greater the need to be in conversation with my King. It's a wonderful circle, pray. A blessed one. One I need more and more as the world turns and each moment passes.

I invite you to incorporate more into your day, and see what happens. How it changes you (and me) as we get ahold of God's heart, and allow Him to get ahold of ours.

Contrasts and Comparisons

2009-01-11T20:53:00.000-08:00

I am amazed:

At the fervor people get into over a game. Football, Baseball, Basketball, Golf...really, it's a game. It should comprise fun, exercise, camaraderie, and a small amount of healthy competition. It's a GAME, folks.

At the lack of enthusiasm to get up in the morning to attend church. It nourishes the soul, lifts the heart, wakens the mind, and gets a proper perspective on ourselves and life - not to mention GOD. If we can scream and provide food for a game, why not provide our voices in worship and food for our soul?

My desire

2009-01-02T20:02:00.000-08:00

It's a new year. No new resolutions - I don't do that stuff. I figure, if you're gonna make a promise to change, you shouldn't wait until New Year's. It's probably stuff you already should have been doing anyway. Not that I don't want to better myself. I do. It's just that I have discovered that I really can't change me. Only God can, and He does it in His own time. I love that. He can't be hurried, and He's never late. Not for one second, either way.

HE is on the throne. Yesterday, today, and forever. How comforting that thought is! I can't control a thing, and when I try I only mess it up anyway.

My part in all this is to be open and willing to be changed. Conformed, really. His goal remains the same: conform me into the image of Christ. Oh, some days there seems to be so much in me in need of conforming! sigh. Keeping my eyes on the prize: the upward call of Jesus in my life. That is what change is all about.

Gifts from the heart

2008-12-27T07:48:00.000-08:00

We decided to make each other gifts this year for Christmas. Not because of finances specifically, more because we wanted to focus more on the person rather than the gift itself. (Heather's idea - gotta love that girl!) Mind you, we didn't really determine to accomplish this until early December, so time was a significant factor in the giving. Also, take into account the different stages of craftsmanship and age, and you can see that this project had many avenues it could take. selah.

Behold some of the outcome of our ventures:

Chuck made beautiful wooden boxes to store treasure in for the girls:
Heather made stunning blankets for Faith and I ( and I thought that girl couldn't sew a stitch!)

I made warm flannel jammies for the girls. It was truly amazing, the two of us sharing the sewing machine and not telling the other what we were up to.

Heather made Chuck some beef jerky and a scarf, and I made him some hot carrots. You can tell he thought he got some coal, at first.

Faith was truly delightful. She made Heather a "savings Lamb" so that she could begin squirrelling away more money for her next trip to England. Keep in mind, she doesn't want her big sister going so far away again - this was truly sacrifice on her part. She made me a beautiful bird house, and Chuck some much-needed coupons for chores and fun with her.

I think this was the sweetest Christmas we've had for some time. Knowing that Chuck's dad wasn't with us for the first time, I think the distractions were a welcome relief and blessing. If you notice, there are NO pictures of me up here. That's because I was up until between 1-3 in the morning for the last week and I look like the walking dead.

It was all worth it.

Ahhh, Rain

2008-12-17T06:15:00.000-08:00

It's Raining!
Yeah!
Finally!

I love the rain. The sound on the roof, the scent of it, the way the light dims and glows, the warmth of a fire crackling in the hearth. Sitting on the couch, snuggled in a blanket, something warm to sip, a great book in my hand. Heather and I spent many a happy day (and evening) this way when she was young, now I want to build those memories with Faith.

It doesn't hurt that the Christmas tree glows with pretty little lights, either!

Ahhhh, rain.

Black Friday

2008-11-28T08:24:00.000-08:00

'Black Friday': a day where people typically begin their frantic rushing to buy instead of sitting to reflect - I'm choosing worship. I want to begin posting songs that move me, and hopefully speak some sort of truth, hope, peace, or joy to you. Now, I'm not bashing those frantic people out there in the masses, trying to get a gift for those they care about at a reasonable price. No way, the times are tough and sometimes just the challenge and adventure can make the trip fun. I just thought a little music for the soul would carry us a bit better. Let's remember the Reason - Jesus. The season - Joy. The gift - Hope.

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day - Casting Crowns

Strange Way to Save the World - 4Him

Adoration - Newsboys

2008-11-25T23:14:00.000-08:00

I pray your day is full of sweet memories in the making, remembrances of laughter and joy,
honor for the deserving,
blessing for the cook(s)

and praise unto our Creator, for whom all thanks is due.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dynamite

2008-11-16T21:19:00.001-08:00

Pastor Steven Gachenko from Harvesters Christian Church in Kenya visited us today. My, how I love that man! He is so different from the style of preaching I am used to - and much to my dismay I didn't want to hear him the first time he came. I'm an old Catholic - southern-baptist style preaching was never my gig. (I must admit, we all did our best to yell Hallelujah and Amen at the appropriate times, just so he felt more at home. ) Yet I find in this man something that draws me. At first, I couldn't figure it out. Too loud. Too...something. THEN, I got it. It was the dynamic presence of the Holy Spirit. As I listened to him last year, I was reminded of the base word in the Bible for the Holy Spirit - dynamo. The Spirit is dynamite! One of His purposes is to expose those places in us that need to be opened up to the Word, in order to be conformed. Steven is filled with the dynamic power of the Holy Spirit. You can hear it when he lays a hand on a person he's never spoken to, and prays. He pours out the love and correction and healing of God. He listens, and speaks what the Lord would say could we hear Him audibly. It's just plain powerful and compelling.

Today, he came again. To share his love with us. To tell us that he hears and feels when we pray for them. He feels us to be his dear family, though we are thousands of miles away. That, too, is powerful. Prayer should be powerful - it connects us to the very heart of God.

His message today: time to get ready! Our Savior is coming for His church, His bride. Every day should be a day of preparation. Made me wonder what I was wasting my time doing. I was certainly convicted of time wasting - TV is limited from now on. It doesn't really help me get my work done.

Time to be about daily preparation. His question - one we need to ask every morning: Are you being changed by the Word daily? Conformed into the image of Jesus - loving more, helping more, being more like Him? Jer: 6:16, 17. He is calling those who have fallen away to come back to the right path.

Matt 7:13, 14 God is calling us back to the power of the Word. Flesh and blood will not reap everlasting life - only the spirit. Are we feeding the spirit?! He reminded me, in a most engaging way, that it is a narrow road we are called to walk down. Our flesh is to be squeezed out, to remove those things that keep us from walking this path. The more we feed the flesh, the fatter we become, the harder to find and keep walking down that road.

And then, the final point that pierced my heart: knowledge without faith won't help. We still sin when there is no faith in the area we are being tempted. I have always considered myself a person of strong faith. Until I looked in the mirror of the Word this morning and realized I haven't been applying it lately. I speak faith, but don't hold the mirror up before my own sin.

I am thankful for that man from Kenya. While I don't think I would care for his style on a weekly basis (I love my pastor's heart for the Word and the way his face glows when he shares with us), I do appreciate the message he brought for my heart today. I pray to be found faithful at Jesus' appearing, and I believe I will be found more so since hearing this particular message.

Come. Lord Jesus. Come.

Beauty and Light

2008-11-11T06:26:00.000-08:00

Melissa Ross Photography

This is my current project - doesn't it look elegant?! No worries, I take no credit for this beautiful display of light and beauty. Melissa did the hard stuff. I only take credit for asking Melissa, and buying the candles.

This has been quite the journey. While I love doing what the Lord has called me to, there was quite the struggle to define if I was called to this particular task. I was told during Retreat to be faithful to the things He has called me to. Loved that part. What I wasn't sure of, was whether this year we were to have an event. No matter the amount of prayer, I just wasn't sure.

The Lord has found a way to speak, though I know there were times He despaired of my hearing. He used a confident "YES" from our guest speaker when she was asked. He used a frantic shopping trip - trips to be exact- to create a centerpiece. He used a "what's the date so I can put it on my calendar?" from our worship saint - which I loved because, again, there was no hesitation. And, as always, the encouragement of those who know me so well, and love me anyway. They just seem to anticipate something lovely and moving, which always surprises me. I just don't see such things coming from my reserves. Which is the true delight. They don't really come from me, they come from the One who created all things and wants to bless His kids. So, here we have the beauty and light created by Melissa. Soon, we will have cake, or some such dessert. And hopefully, we will be reminded of joy.

It is a joyful thing to celebrate the wonder of the Lord.

Seasons of Change

2008-10-28T11:27:00.001-07:00

The Before:

The After:

Faith got her braces off this morning - What a sweet face!

The loot in her hands is from her Orthodontist - he gave her everything he told her not to eat for the last year as a reward.

I am so happy for Faith! She looks lovely, and her teeth are all lined up for future growth. Now, onto the retainer and the reshaping of her jaw!

2008-10-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

I had a special blessing this week. My precious assistant/partner for Women's Bible Study had a conflicting appointment for Wednesday evening, and wasn't able to be there for group time. To my utter delight, Heather said YES to stepping in and filling the gap. Now, you must understand that group time isn't Heather's favorite. In fact, she has avoided attending until this year, preferring to come for lecture time. So, for her to unhesitatingly agree was a very pleasant surprise.

I didn't really give her much in the way of instruction - a little "meet and greet," a little "hand them this card if they're new," was about it. You just never know what will come up during group time. It's definitely a "walk in the Spirit" kind of affair.

She shone. That truly described the night. She had the ladies comfortable, well fed with oatmeal-cranberry cookies and coffee. They were ready to begin when I stepped in the room. She kept me to a good time, offered good input on the questions, and just really glowed. I'm not partial. I swear.

What an utter blessing to serve with my daughter. What wisdom she has, and shares so sweetly. What a joy.

I missed my sweet assistant. Don't get me wrong - she's my partner in this calling. I just thank God that I have a willing helper, an enabled and equipped servant living in my home to walk this Christian road with.

I am a blessed woman.

Weariness

2008-09-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Gal 6:9 And let us not grow weary while doing good; for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

I am challenged by this verse. I want to do good, especially to those I care about. Those to whom the Word of God has been received, and I have had the privilege of walking alongside. Where I struggle is with the time I have to give, and knowing the amount of giving I am to do. I struggle not to get in God's way, and yet be the hands and feet - the vessel - He would have me to be. My job is to not lose heart. To lose heart is defined as

a) to have one's strength relaxed, to be enfeebled through exhaustion, to grow weak, grow weary, be tired out

b) to despond, become faint hearted

c) as a woman in labor experiences before delivery - when the work is hard and painful, but also unfinished and unrewarded.

So, one of many questions remains: how do I not lose heart? What is the antidote? A better question: what do I do to not get in this place of weariness. For we are to spend ourselves (2 Cor 12: 17) for the sake of the beloved. I believe the answer is in the calling. To make sure I specifically am called to this particular path. This particular service at this particular time. And then, to make sure my own well of love and giving is filled by the source of all love and strength. I need to make sure my first priority is to spend time with my God. To know that I am a fit worker, cleansed and filled with the Holy Spirit's empowering. For He who calls is faithful, He also will do it. Then the weariness will be one of the body spent in holy service, not the one of a body and mind working against God's holy calling and equipping.

Thanks, God, for the reminder that this giving isn't about me, it's about You in me.

Heart's Desire

2008-09-13T23:36:00.001-07:00

Zechariah 8:23b NLT

And they will say, 'Please let us walk with you, for we have heard that God is with you.'

OH! To be know far and wide that God is with you, because you walk with Him! I want that. I hunger for that. Not for my notoriety, no, no! But for His! I want to be a woman after God's own heart. I want others to see Jesus in me, and desire that kind of relationship with Him as well.

Let it be, dear Father. Let YOUR light shine through this cracked pot, for Your glory and other's salvation. Amen.

Ministering Spirits

2008-09-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

Just a little story to share -

My friend lost her 12-year companion today. She was a dog who was her constant confidante and playmate, and sometime reason-for-living. While I was out with this friend this afternoon, we were in the parking lot over by her car. She had given me some dog food to get it out of her car, and burst into tears. I went over and put a hand on her shoulder, when a man walked up and offered to help us. (He must've thought she had car trouble) We told him no, we were OK. He asked again, watching her, and I quietly told him that she had lost her pet today. He very quietly asked if he could pray for us. I said yes, and she nodded. That precious saint prayed for her dog to be returned to her, for God to comfort her, for Jesus to be her helper, etc. It was so obvious he was a Christian. He said Amen, then checked on her again to see if there was anything he could do. I quietly explained that her pet had died - he smiled and said it was OK, Jesus knew her heart and would answer every prayer. Then he smiled and walked away.

I just love that God sends angels unlooked for. He was just the right touch at a hard time, and I felt really ministered to. I was able to send my friend home knowing that God had sent her a personal touch, to build up her faith and comfort her.

She wasn't the only one.

Partnerships

2008-09-07T20:57:00.001-07:00

Women's Bible study begins again on Wed, the 17th. This is big news! I love Bible study. I love the accountability, sitting at His feet to learn fresh and new, the new groups and women I get to know a little better as we fellowship. I love it.

I was reading Ezra 5 this morning and was struck by a verse.

The enemies of Judah and Benjamin heard that the exiles were rebuilding a Temple to the Lord, the God of Israel. 2 So they approached Zerubbabel and the other leaders and said, "Let us build with you, for we worship your God just as you do. We have sacrificed to him ever since King Esarhaddon of Assyria brought us here."
3 But Zerubbabel, Jeshua, and the other leaders of Israel replied, "You may have no part in this work, for we have nothing in common. We alone will build the Temple for the Lord, the God of Israel, just as King Cyrus of Persia commanded us."
4 Then the local residents tried to discourage and frighten the people of Judah to keep them from their work. 5 They bribed agents to work against them and to frustrate their aims. This went on during the entire reign of King Cyrus of Persia and lasted until King Darius of Persia took the throne.

I think what struck me most was that the residents who came offered to help build. They offered evidence of worship and history. They wanted to serve - or so they said. I marvel at the response, because you know that they needed all the help they could get in order to accomplish this most holy task. They said 'no - you have no part in this work, for we have nothing in common.' It strikes me so deeply because I need someone to come alongside to help with this work of leading group, and it has to be someone with the same mindset, goals, and calling as myself. Someone who won't tear down what is being built up. Someone who can guard the work of the Lord. This is a tricky thing to find, I have found, especially if you aren't familiar with the voice of the Holy Spirit. People can serve without Him, but it surely is harder to do!

God has blessed me with an assistant I love. She is precious to my heart. More importantly, she has the same vision I do. To love the ladies and point them to Jesus. She has a passion for God's Word and a tender heart for the lost and struggling. I feel blessed this year, as in the past, to know that this is a partnership that God has joined together. I can't wait to see what the Lord will do in all our lives this coming year.

My Bad

2008-09-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

Well, I promised "more to follow", and then didn't follow through. My bad. I guess I need to fulfill that statement before I move on, and not be made out a liar by my own writings. Sometimes, I just get myself in trouble. sigh.

The week was one of the most stunning in weather I have experienced. The wind was mild, the sun was clear and bright, the morning overcast was almost non-existent, and my tan just glows. I got the absolute joy of having about 5 hours without children, husband and responsibilities on Tuesday, and I spent it worshipping the son and the sand. It was delightful. I must admit to not quite reaching the middle of my unprotected back with sunscreen, and paying the price for the rest of the week. Truly my bad! I did enjoy finding myself with a pillow under my head and an adventure book in my hand...cold soda beside me. The picture of contentment.

While I missed my sweet spouse, I must admit to stretching out fully on the bed each night to sleep undisturbed. No dogs to tend. No children to fuss (they were both snoring quietly from the moment their heads hit the pillows until about 7:30 each morning) no blankets for fight over. I have to admit to tremendous loneliness the first couple of days, though. My honey was at work and my best friend was taking care of visiting relatives. I don't usually get lonely or depressed..it was quite startling when I identified the emotions. Thankfully, my phone worked for outgoing calls and the kids kept me well entertained.

Heather decided to go visit her cousins who live over an hour's drive away during this week. Another great surprise. She has never driven this freeway, much less alone. She is surely gaining in confidence and wisdom! I am so proud of her! She went mid-week, then joined me at the end of the week for the last beach-trip before school started. She's such a great person to boogie-board with, I really missed her.

Speaking of boogie-boarding, I must confess to really enjoying myself out there now that I own a wetsuit. Such fun! I actually rode, for the first time, a wave that I think surfers set their sights on. I hit a huge wave just before it broke, and rode the ensuing 3 breakers behind it all the way into shore. Exhilarating!! Faith has become quite the boogie rider, herself. She will spend the whole day out there riding in various waves, on various vehicles (boards, rings, whatever is at hand) completely forgetting to come in to eat. or drink water. It's amazing. She used to be so afraid of the waves. Of course, she is still cautious about depth and needs to build up her swimming skills. She is still such a joy to watch. She, too, makes me proud.

By the time the week was over, I was ready to come home. I felt that I did all the things I wanted to - a bike ride to Starbucks with the girls was our finishing hurrah. I look back fondly, and look forward to going again. We each grew this week, and we are the better for it.

Vacation

2008-08-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

What I did last week....more to follow.

: )

Last Hurrah

2008-08-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well, it's time for the last hurrah of summer: our final week at the beach camping. I am really looking forward to going back, but with a hint of sadness. Daddy can't come with us, he has to stay and work. I knew this when I planned our trip way back in February (a lifetime ago!), and what I envisioned was some time with my friend playing Boggle and some time in the water with Faith. I wasn't sure about Heather, whether she would even be here or be in York or Germany or Israel or?

Plans have evolved.

My friend's daughter is getting married today, and her child will be with us the whole week. Along with her sisters, nieces, and assorted family members. While this is really good, it changes the shape of the picture.

My sister-in-law is coming with assorted friends/family. I may get to move her motor home for her once or twice (something I've always wanted to try driving - daredevil that I am.)

My mother-in-law remains the same - constant and steady. I'm glad for that.

I now have to leave for orientation meetings for Faith's new school - I forgot about that when I scheduled the week, but I new it was coming. I will be hurrying back, believe me on that one!

I'm excited to see what this week brings - but first, I have to finish packing the trailer and cleaning my house and attending the wedding of a precious girl I have known since she was about 7. Something I refuse to rush, being with my friend as her life permanently changes and her daughter's blooms. Today will be quite the day.

Additions

2008-08-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

I added a new spot...a blog for my devotions.

Seemed like a good accountability thing (I borrowed the idea from someone with more initiative than me.)

Seems like writing is going to become my greater past-time. You'll have to let me know if I should stop :)

check out my links

Divine Possibilites

2008-07-31T23:40:00.001-07:00

I've been doing some soul searching - something everyone should do on a regular basis, I've determined. I found something of such power, I have to share it.
This is from Streams in the Desert by Charles E. Cowman

"Nothing shall be impossible unto you" (Matt.
17:20).

It is possible, for those who really are willing
to reckon on the power of the Lord for keeping
and victory, to lead a life in which His promises
are taken as they stand and are found to be true.

It is possible to cast all our care upon Him
daily and to enjoy deep peace in doing it.

It is possible to have the thoughts and
imaginations of our hearts purified, in the
deepest meaning of the word.

It is possible to see the will of God in
everything, and to receive it, not with sighing,
but with singing.

It is possible by taking complete refuge in
Divine power to become strong through and
through; and, where previously our greatest
weakness lay, to find that things which formerly
upset all our resolves to be patient, or pure, or
humble, furnish today an opportunity--through Him
who loved us, and works in us an agreement with
His will and a blessed sense of His presence and
His power--to make sin powerless over us.

These things are DIVINE POSSIBILITIES, and
because they are His work, the true experience of
them will always cause us to bow lower at His
feet and to learn to thirst and long for more.

We cannot possibly be satisfied with anything
less--each day, each hour, each moment, in
Christ, through the power of the Holy
Spirit--than to WALK WITH GOD. --H. C. G. Moule

We may have as much of God as we will. Christ
puts the key of the treasure-chamber into our
hand, and bids us take all that we want. If a man
is admitted into the bullion vault of a bank, and
told to help himself, and comes out with one
cent, whose fault is it that he is poor? Whose
fault is it that Christian people generally have
such scanty portions of the free riches of God?
--McLaren.

I love it when God uses something to drive a point home, unlooked for by me of course. It's some of these words that capture my attention:
KEEP. I know God keeps me from falling into utter ruin apart from His eternal presence. Knowing, and experiencing it to it's fullness is the point here.

He can purify the thoughts and intents of my heart. selah. (that means pause and deeply consider). He wants to purify my intentions, not just understand them and give me what's better for me. wow.

To experience the fullness of God. A desire I keep forgetting to ask for and to have my hands open fully to receive. He has such great things for me, and I don't remember to ask and expect.

Soul seaching can be painful. But it surely yields much fruit!

Summer Fun

2008-07-31T23:40:00.000-07:00

WOW. I can't believe it's already August. What does happen to the time? Well, I can't account for yours, but I will try to account for some of mine.

First off: school ended. whew! Third grade was full of changes, challenges, and choices. Faith will be attending a new sister/school to her current location. I'm excited for the change - mostly because she is excited. Mind you, we are a family that plods reluctantly to change, and then decides afterward rather hesitantly that it was a really good idea after all. So, to hear her shout joyfully when we got the acceptance call was quite a pleasant surprise to me.

Secondly: Faith had her tonsils out. That was major stuff! She did great through it all - a real trooper! She survived on a small vanilla creme "frappaccino" a day for about 10 days, lost about 7 pounds, and gave her body the shock of it's young life when it discovered uninterrupted sleep for the first time in years. It is lovely to see the dark circles under her eyes disappear, her vitality increase, and her moods level out. She really is feeling better.

Thirdly: 2, count 'em 2, trips to vacation at the beach. Sheer heaven! We had a great time in the surf, in the sand, in the trailer. We played, we prayed, we s'mored, we rode bicycles into town for a Starbuck's run. We had a lovely time. I'm looking forward to our summer finale - a last week at the beach the end of August. God is amazing to create such a lovely atmosphere for us to consider His glory, His creativity, His desire to bless His kids with something just to behold and appreciate. Gotta love that God of ours - He just gives and gives.

Lastly: I got to go to a concert with my sweetheart and my friend. How can you not love a night with MercyMe??? It was amazing. The opening band was really good: Tenth Avenue North. You should check them out. David Crowder Band puts on a very energetic show. Then: the marvelous, true worship of our Savior in the wonderful sounds from MercyMe. Poor Bart had pneumonia, and still opened the show in perfect pitch and A'Capella sweetness. He just draws you into heartfelt worship. An experience I wouldn't hesitate to repeat, ever!

That's about the updates for now. Summer still marches on, and it's time to start thinking about getting ready for school. Shopping. hmmmmm....that could be fun!

Night Owls

2008-06-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

In the Beginning.... Faith's class had a field trip to the San Diego Wild Animal Park. We left school early, chaperones all matched up and cars at the ready. I had Faith, Michaela, Dylan and Noah. Dylan and Noah were assigned to me #1, because I am familiar with the class and in particular these two boys, and #2, because I'm not afraid to say NO with a decisive tone to my voice. I must admit to using that decisive tone on more than one occasion on this trip.
These are our night-time tent-mates. They are lovely girls who tell great round-robin stories, drink vast quantities of hot chocolate, and (mostly) tried to eat small crawling critters. It was a good night had by most.
This is a 5 year-old alligator that we all got to pet. Now, where else in the world can you pet a baby alligator and smile while doing it?
Of course, you MUST visit the petting zoo when at the park. Faith is particularly fond of deer. And, may I say, the deer are equally fond of her!

This is the grand finale - minus a slurpee in the car on the way home. Weariness certainly lowered the volume in the car on the way - whew! A good time was had by all. I must commend the Wild Animal Park for a superbly organized, well-rounded, well-fed outing. It was informative, fun, nicely paced, and refreshing. I reccomend it highly!

Looking

2008-06-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking lately. Scary, I know.
I'm about to begin a new endeavor, and I'm not sharing what exactly that is. It's just that I have been taking stock of a few things lately, and keep coming back around to the same realization. It's simple, really. A simple truth. Here it is:
If I would just get the simple, amazing, wondrous truth of the Cross, my sin just wouldn't be so attractive any more. I wouldn't be drawn to it. I wouldn't be mesmerized by it. I wouldn't be wallowing in it. I wouldn't even be giving into it.

Now. How simple is that?!

Isn't it great that God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that it would be the simplicity of the gospel that would confound the wise. It's the simplicity of looking to Him that breaks the spell of looking to sin. It's the simple grace of God in which we stand, and which we cannot stand before Him without.

I love that God loves the simple. He must. He loves me.

Preparation

2008-05-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

I was preparing for Retreat today...and in it's preparation I was reading a C.S.Lewis book. That may sound an odd combination to you, so let me explain. I am leaving early in the morning in order to pick up passengers and drop off daughters so that I can play with my friends before our arrival time. We are going to brunch, then heading off to see the new Narnia movie: Prince Caspian. I wanted to acquaint myself with the Land of Narnia before seeing the movie, so I picked up the book The Silver Chair. I found this lovely passage I want to share with you:

Stand still. In a moment I will blow. But, first, remember, remember, remember the signs. Say them to yourself when you awake in the morning, and when you lie down at night, and when you wake in the middle of the night. And whatever strange things may happen to you, let nothing turn your mind from following the signs. And secondly, I give you a warning. Here on the mountain I have spoken to you clearly: I will not often do so down in Narnia. Here on the mountain the air is clear, and your mind is clear; as you drop down into Narnia, the air will thicken. Take great care that it does not confuse your mind. And the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there. That is why it is so important to know them by heart and to pay no attention to appearances. Remember the signs and believe the signs. Nothing else matters.

I love how God meets me wherever I am. How He is so very personal, to be preparing me for what He wants to teach me, show me, impress upon my heart. He has such wonderful things in store for me this weekend, He isn't willing to wait to begin.
Here I am, Lord. Conform me.

Hands

2008-05-12T06:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my kind of day.

We began with church: I had to cry first thing. Pastor Dale talked about hands. Mother's hands. He asked us to look at our hands - and not to notice if we all needed a good dose of lotion and a manicure. He talked about Mom's hands: how they wipe a fevered brow. How they hug a tear away. How they wash untold amounts of dishes and fold mountains of laundry. How they hold a Bible to read, in order to gain wisdom. How they fold to pray. How, in all this, they seek to be used to raise Godly children full of wisdom and grace. What conviction! I wondered how many opportunities I have missed to bless my children with my folded hands, and missed holding my Bible for wisdom instead of relying on my own.

After church service, we headed home. Faith and Heather had arrived early and put some sweet touches on the house: a banner on the door, fresh flowers and tablecloth in the dining room, the smell of scones baking in the oven. Precious! Chuck served made-to-order omelettes with all the trimmings for brunch (yum!), Grandma was in attendance and the drooling dogs were locked in the back yard.

Then: the very best part of the day. Piling on the couch to watch movies, cuddle, share running commentaries, and leftover scones and fruit to munch. Not to mention a couple of dear friends to share it with. How can you not LOVE a Jane Austen/Cary Grant festival on a Sunday afternoon?! With your children! (Chuck chose the Padres on the other TV. Somehow, it seemed the manly thing to do!)

It was a sweet day. I feel so honored to be ... honored. I know it's because my girls really want to spend time with me. I know that I delight to be with them. To watch them create a gift of themeselves with all their talents and imagination is such a delight. I want to pass on a legacy of offering up the work of their hands to the Lord, for His good will and pleasure. I know that I was full of smiles yesterday - as I believe the Lord was as we both watched His girls give themselves away.

I pray to use my hands for service. It's my heart's desire - to serve. My girls and my sweet husband sure served me yesterday. Utter sweetness.

Thanks, God, for calling me to be a Mom.

21

2008-04-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Heather's 21st Birthday today.

21.

Wow. Where did that time go?

I know we spent an awful lot of it together...as a youngster we used to dance around the house together (we had a lot less furniture then!) As a youth we watched TV shows and fell in love with characters and places. As a 'tween, we investigated medical miracles as we welcomed a new little sister to the household. As a teen, we laid around on the couch and read books to each other. Remember Lord of the Rings? We tackled it in all it's wonder and uniqueness one hot summer. We learned to drive together - me as a refresher course, and she out of sheer necessity and obedience. We tackled new hair styles, the new world of makeup, the trials of fashion, and the silence that only really stubborn girls can give their mom's. We tackled cooking (cookies being our specialty), cleaning (she's a great organizer of other people's belongings), and even did a few years homeschooling. We played puppies - er, she played, I let her bark. We tried sewing - not her gift. We tried gardening - she grew lovely strawberries! And, from a very young age, she learned how to take care of a mom with a lot of medical difficulties, and did it with great wisdom, compassion, and forgiveness.

Tomorrow, she turns 21. Today, we went to Shakespeare's Tea Shoppe for high tea. As a surprise which, by-the-way, she guessed before we even arrived. She's like her dad that way. A quick study. Anyway, Dad and I wanted a sweet way to celebrate her life, her passions, and her future. High Tea seemed just the thing. It was a reminder of something she loved as a small child (tea parties) and something she truly experienced as an adult in York. It was a smashing success, but for the simple thing of forgetting the camera. ugh! What a lovely time we all had, as she shared reminiscences of Bible college, showed us the proper way to order and drink tea, and described everything we were sampling. She's really turned into a fabulous young woman, with a style all her own, and someone I really feel privileged to call friend.

Tonight, grandma took us all out to dinner to celebrate. I must confess, Heather has always been "her girl," ever since she babysat for us one week when Heather was about 4 months old. It's a match made in heaven. It was so sweet to see the two of them sharing some quiet time and special glances reserved for the two of them.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Heather, my special treasure! May this be a year full of joy, growth, and blessing.

Ready Enough

2008-04-03T19:15:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the last month...lots to consider there, really. I had some really good lessons on the word "grace." That topic could be considered a lifetime study - but, I've spoken (or written, as it were) a touch on that one already.

Grace, in all it's concepts and realities, was the greatest gift of understanding I've had in quite some time.

Then, there was taking care of Dusty. I've had the privilege of carting him to and fro to multitudes of doctor's appointments...some necessary, some not. Some were of the "let's check you out and see what we can do to make things better" variety. Some were of his own making, because he needed some special attention and doctors seem to be his instrument of choice. It was a privilege, really, because he is a proud man and very independent. The fact that he allowed me to help, and even welcomed it, was a statement of great trust and acceptance. I must admit, it was really lovely to have him all to myself, and steer the conversation to topics that I enjoyed and he seemed to want to comment on. All in preparation for: the last month. I have loved the progession: grace, then a use for the gifts of the Holy Spirit which I had begun to doubt I even posessed.

Then, there was the new puppy. Micah. I've written of him a bit lately, too. He's a beast. It's just the perfect nickname for a "little man" that thinks he's big, but just can't seem to reach those places the big dog gets too. Yet. I know Chuck thought I was crazy wanting another dog - puppy - but I must say that in the long run, God's hand was in it and he has proven to be a big blessing. He was a great source of comfort after long days at the hospital: something warm, silly, and soft to remind us of God's intimate care for us in every situation.

Now, you know, Dusty passed away not too long ago. I've had soo many people asking this same question: "Were you ready for him to die?" Such an interesting question. I don't think you can ever really answer that question with a resounding YES! I can say that we had time to prepare, time to prepare him, and time to let go. In the long run, I can truly say that God doesn't ask you if you're ready...when He calls, you go. HE must have felt we were ready enough. He had done the preparing: Dusty walked with God. I even had the opportunity to pray the "sinner's prayer" again, just because he wanted that blessed assurance. God had prepared our family as we all began to grieve with a smile on our faces as Dusty said his good-byes. Whether we wanted him to go or not really wasn't the question. God decided we were ready enough, and enough was what He has given us to get through it all. Enough grace. Enough love. Enough attention span. Enough energy. Just enough, which is all you really need.

What I found the most interesting after he passed away was this: People not asking questions....just saying what they think you want to hear, and moving along. No one has asked about his last days. No one has asked if he said anything special. No one has really looked me in the eye and asked if there was anything I wanted to share or talk about. Isn't that funny? I tell you, I have learned an awful lot about what to do when someone goes through this experience.

Rule #1: give them all the time and space they need to get through it.

Rule #2: ask, then listen for the answer.

We all need to be heard...even if it's hard on the hearer. As the hearer, we aren't sure what to ask, or what to say. I can now say with all assurance: ASK. Part of grieving is sharing the bitter, and the sweet. And sweet it can be when someone goes home to be with the Lord. Sweetness is the sunrise as your loved one draws his last breath. Sweetness is the smile that crosses your face as the sunrise turns golden, and you know they are now walking the streets of gold with Jesus. Sweetness is knowing you spent your last hours meeting other's needs, and it wasn't in your own strength or might or thoughts. Sweetness in the peace you can't explain, but you just feel it around you like a warm, cozy blanket as you leave the hospital room for the last time.

Ready enough? Yes. God made sure, because His time is always perfect, and it is He who calls us home.

Resurrection Day

2008-03-23T13:09:00.001-07:00

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever would believe in Him would not perish, but have everlasting life.

For God did not send His son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.

Praise be to God, we are not condemned, but redeemed and promised Eternal life. Life here just isn't "all that!"

Hallelujah.

Peace

2008-03-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

Garland Clell "Dusty" Rhoads

April 22, 1927 to March 16, 2008

At home with Jesus.

A man with a sense of humor, integrity, pride, service, and giving.

We are blessed to have known and loved him.

Dad's Special Day

2008-03-03T05:57:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Chuck's birthday...I won't tell you which one. He's kinda sensitive about that stuff. Now, I must confess, I am not good at picking gifts for him. He's like his parents, they don't really want anything, and if they did they wouldn't tell you. They put others first, and themselves last. For example: that man has been driving the same car for almost 20 years. (and it looks like it!) It's not that we haven't had newer vehicles, it's just that he always gives them to me to drive. His family is first, always. Well, the girls and I wanted to make something special for him. So, we devised a plan: surprise. Something else I'm not good at because he can guess every gift, no matter how you package it. He just has a knack. :( SOOOO we chose to take him frisbee-golfing after church on Sunday. Something he enjoys, but we haven't done in years. WHEW! Plan set, money accounted for, timing perfect.
Friday night I asked the typical pre-weekend questions: " honey, do you have any plans for this weekend?" His answer: "I thought we'd go frisbee-golfing tomorrow. It's something we haven't done in a long time, and I thought we could spend time together as a family." He was so proud of himself. I was so...disgusted. I just looked at him. Faith ran and starting whispering in my ear "Mom..can I tell him?!!" Distraction techniques were definitely out at that point. sigh.
So, I fessed up. I told him the plans, he felt bad for spoiling our surprise (again) and we all went our way.
Saturday he asked the question: are we going frisbee-golfing today, or are we waiting until Sunday? Heather (God bless her!) piped up with: Let's go hiking around Mission Dam! Oh, salvation! He hadn't been there, so it was fresh. The weather was cool and lovely, so off we went! Here are some pictures of our lovely day - a 2 hour hike and family bonding!

The first challenge: cross the river without wetting your toes

The path widely travelled

The streams you can drink from..safely

A happy family

We all had a wonderful adventure, and plan to do much more of this. There are some beautiful places hidden back here, just waiting to be discovered by us. And...leg muscles to develop! I must confess to some very sore calves after this hike, and 3 hours of frisbee-golfing. Apparently, fun comes with a price :D

Observations

2008-02-26T09:57:00.000-08:00

I took the mutts (yes, they are! Chloe is a Lab/Dachshund mix, and we all know what Micah is!) in for shots yesterday. What a riot! Their personalities are so...marked. Take Chloe for example. Put a leash on her, and she has more energy than a cat set in water. It's controlled energy, but energy still. She sits still to have the lead attached, then heads for the door..and I do mean heads. She leads with her face, and you can't really dissuade her too easily from the course she has chosen. Open the front door, and she's off! She doesn't run away with you...too much training for that. She does head out with conviction though. I got her in the car - suburban, mind you - with a little encouragement to hoist herself up the step. She settles herself down on the floor, and waits. With great anticipation.

Micah is another story. He doesn't know yet the joy of being on a leash. He hasn't experienced traversing sidewalks, exploring parks, and going camping. What he does know is that if Chloe gets to do it, he should, too. So, if she's going out that front door, he isn't going to be left behind. In fact, he's going to lead the parade! Bring a leash out, and all he sees is a new chew-toy. So, it took a minute to disengage his teeth from the clip in order to have a handle on a wayward child. He has a new trick of trying to throw himself from your arms if you are carrying him and he sees something fascinating...so you really need 3 hands to keep him safe. NOW, imagine me, 2 excited dogs, 2 hands, and 2 leashes. It was soo...exasperating to try to get them going in the same direction at the same time. Fortunately, I had the foresight to put Micah's crate in the car first so I could round him up pretty quickly. God is good, that's all I can say!

Now...our arrival at the vet. Let's not sidestep the lovely 5 minute journey with Micah howling in the crate because he doesn't know what's going on, and what delights he might be missing. I am SO thankful for a vet that's only blocks away! Let's also not forget my surprising look into the rear view mirror to see Chloe hanging out the open window behind me, which I thought to be closed since it was a whopping 50*! Try rolling up an automatic window from the driver's seat, while the dog is standing on the control in the back! Mission accomplished, car parked, and puppy drug from a crate he now doesn't wish to exit.

We arrive with 2 dogs furiously wagging their tails and running together. Open the door. Walk inside, purse in one hand with the handle now breaking, and 2 dogs in the other. Here.. the fun begins. Chloe lopes in, takes one sniff, tucks her tail, turns around, and promptly RUNS for the closing front door. Micah wiggles in, sees something new, plants his feet, and barks to beat the band, then he decides it's time to investigate, and hang the consequences. Poor Chloe lost out, the door closed just a hair in front of her nose. No escape. Nowhere to hide. No understanding from that woman with the dangling, spilling purse or that rat fink puppy who just won't be quiet. In fact, the pup just wants to run about the room and yap! How unsettling! I can see her mind going: Perhaps I can use my bulk and drag us from the room???? MOM! Get me outa here!!!

The rest of the visit was...less eventful. Chloe tried to hide behind me, under me, or perhaps even under the flooring. After a bit, she settled down with her head as close to my lap as she could get it with mournful eyes of reproach. Micah decided to check out the room, one object at at time. He never did quite understand that red lead around him...just an inconvenience at times. He did love to perch confidently in my lap, like a king surveying his kingdom from time to time. He spent the most time with the Vet. It seems he has "puppy mange" and needed a skin biopsy to have it confirmed. Chloe had to be taken back, well, truth-be-told, carried back, for a very short time. It seems she needs to lose a few pounds, the winter was VERY kind to her.

The ride home was quieter. Chloe was most grateful to enter the car again. Micah only howled 1/2 way home. The were both rewarded with a short stroll around the block, then a lovely nap. The nap, truthfully, was more for me than them. I was exhausted!

Personalities are amazing things. Some of us are bold, some timid, some love change, some dread it with a passion. Some are adventurous, some quiet and unassuming. Some confident, some cowardly. God makes us all individually, not from a set mold. We are unique. So are our animals. I love how Micah brings out the fun side of Chloe, and I really appreciate the patience and forbearance she has with him. I love his boldness, inquisitivity, and connivery. He's quite the manipulator. They are both good for us. I see myself in some of these qualities (I won't confess which ones) and I see the ones that need refining. Praise God, He is the one conforming me into the image of Christ. I would hate to have my dear friends have to put their hands around my muzzle and say, firmly "don't bite!"

Valentine Update

2008-02-16T22:11:00.000-08:00

Well...we took our little "man" to the Vet on Friday. He needed a new-puppy checkup. So, we asked the burning questions: WHAT is he? and... How big will he get?

We got some interesting answers. The Vet had her educated guess, then she took him around to the rest of the crew to poll for answers. The most common answer: oh, no, not the "C" word....here it comes... Chihuaha mixed with terrier (Jack Russell???) and perhaps some beagle. No Schipperke? NO. None that she could see. Hmmmm.... He could weigh anything from a whopping 10 pounds, up to a mighty 20 or 30. This was NOT the answer I was hoping for. A little Labrador mixed in would have given me much to smile about...but not what I was really anticipating. What can I say? He's a pound-puppy!

Sigh. He's still a keeper, and gets cuter by the day. He and Chloe are now playing regularly (and loudly..she's a talker) and we have discovered what a little conniver he is. The antics keep us all smiling.

Now...if he would just get that potty-training down!

our Valentine

2008-02-12T06:14:00.000-08:00

This is our new beastie boy. Sorry...puppy. He arrived at our house Sunday night, the 10th, full of himself and very decidedly full of puppiness. His name is Micah. He is a Schipperke (skipper-key) mixed with...we don't know what. They say that Labs are friendly..with everyone. Perhaps he has some in him, the handler guessed so. Time will tell. I can tell you that he weighs just over 4 pounds right now...so he's got some growing to do if he's ever going to make the 30--40 pound goal they set for him. I can tell you that he has the mouth of a very large, high-pitched whiner. Amazing. He didn't make a sound at the shelter! I doubt he would be sitting in my lap right now if he did.

I must tell you that there are certain things I thought I would never have in a dog. I can't stand little yappers. I can't stand lap dogs. There is an attitude, a neediness that makes me cringe. The owners, not the dogs. I didn't want a label on me that says : "Look! I bet she buys designer clothes for her dog and takes it to the grocery store!"

Then I met Micah. There is something endearing about someone who just wants to be near you. Something about utter dependence. And joy. I got to contemplating (at 2 am during the potty-hour) that this is what God wants for me. Dependence, and joy. He wants me to utterly desire to be cuddled up in His lap, waiting on Him, with an expression of adoration and obedience. So...perhaps that is why this particular puppy is in our home. A great reminder of love.

His name is Micah. It means "Who is like God." What could be better?

Becoming

2008-01-27T14:08:00.000-08:00

I heard the other day that change is good. My first reaction was: NO! It's NOT!

I don't like change. Well, to be honest, I don't mind change. When it is me making the choice, then I'm all for it. I give it all the enthusiasm it deserves. But change thrust upon me unannounced and unprepared for is a no-no. I like to be in charge, you see. I've discovered a great joy in organizing events and people. It's not that I need fanfare or applause, or even to be recognised all that much. I just like to put things into motion and be able to have input in how it's all going to go. I like control. I used to believe that I belonged up on stage, stirring people to action or a change in how they view things, yet circumstances and opportunities have left me in the background, and I am quite delighted and challenged to do just that. It doesn't come naturally to me. oh no. Yet here I am.

I've been thinking about change a lot lately. There have been many of them since December. Heather coming home is a biggie. Faith turning 9 has been huge. Change in me because of the things God is leading me through and conforming me out of/into. I have found myself embracing some of them, and really groaning over the others.

I have been told that the process of change may be difficult, but the change itself is good. I guess I can agree with that one. God didn't leave me as He found me, and He isn't going to leave me the way I am now. He is going to change me. He is going to make me like Jesus. And that is good.

Decaf or Regular

2008-01-11T16:48:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I claim to be decaf but in reality I am regular or vise versa. Sometimes what I give to people is not who I am. God has been unraveling this truth about myself. Do your insides match your outsides? Sometimes we think we have it all together but in reality we have nothing together. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have lived in false places and thought it was alright to live there 'cause no one really knew the truth about me, and as long as they believed differently, then it was alright. The beauty of God is that He sees right through us and that He loves us enough to call our bluff. But not only calling our bluff, but also helping us walk out of it to truly be what we claim to be. ~Shawn MacDonald

These words ring in truth deep inside me. I understand the heart of this, and lately I have been convicted of living it. I wonder what people would think if they saw the "real" me. Would they be shocked? People call me so spiritual. They see me as a leader. A counselor. Someone who knows so much of the Truth. Well, maybe I do, and maybe I am. But God sees the inside. He sees the questions I have unanswered, and unasked. The ones He is patiently waiting to reveal in me so He can answer them. For example, lately, He has spoken to me on the topic of "grace." I used to think I understood grace. The fact that I don't have to earn God's love. That I am saved by faith in Christ Jesus alone. I thought I lived in it, and lived an example of it. WELL. I started to study the book of Galatians and was told that "I HAVE been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." Well then! Ponder that one a while, and consider the sin we live in each day. Come to find out, I don't really have to pray. I don't really have to do anything. I get to. How amazing is that???? How freeing??? I don't have to feel guilty because I fall asleep saying my prayers. Don't get me wrong, I behave out of love for my Savior. I respond out of love. I GET to pray. I GET to have fellowship with God. But, there is no guilt attached, just forgiveness and grace. Abundant grace. Ponder that one a while!

So, you see, I am decaf and regular, all at the same time. I am a sinner. I am also forgiven. I live in this body of death, but live in grace and forgiveness. The hard part, for me, is to recognize when I am taking advantage of grace and not abiding in Christ. I want people to see what grace has done for me, not a covering of knowledge without the heart to go with it.

New Year Festivities

2008-01-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

As a return to old traditions, we spent our New Year's weekend at a cabin in the woods with extended family. This is the little "Golson Cabin" that we stayed in. A funny little place, but it seemed to suit us. We did move in a day late, as I was quite a bit under the weather and unable to drive up to Idyllwild.

We got all settled in. Faith brought her friend Angelyna, and they

really settled in! We had games, toys, clothing, cold-weather gear, and hair supplies everywhere! They were truly content!

Next, it was time for some fresh air and excersize. There really wasn't much in the way of snow, but with a little imagination, and a strong kick, you can make snowballs and attempt to bury the other side!

After all that fun in the sun, it was time for games with the older cousins. "Clue" kept them all busy, with some good snacks to go with it.

Mind you, the kitchen was a bit of a challenge, but I love a good challenge when it comes to serving people good munchies!

Evenings held all the warmth of friendship, a cozy fire in the fireplace, a good movie and sweet conversation. It's good to catch up with family, and renew old relationships. (note the faces in the window!)

We also had a rousing game of "Apples to Apples" with the whole

family - all 16 of us! From grandparents to youngest cousin, it was a great way to spend New Year's evening.

Happy New year...may it be filled with all the warmth of family, friends and love of God in Jesus!

Petals in the wind

2007-12-28T08:29:00.000-08:00

Wow. A lot of time has passed, and much has passed in it.
Heather is home.
Whew! What a statement! Between anticipation, bad weather reports, Christmas play practice, pacing in the terminal, delayed planes and weary travelers, it was quite the experience. She made it, and managed to bring Donna and Lauren right back with her into just about the exact spot they walked away from me. What utter loveliness!

It's been a time of readjustment, on many levels. Having that 4th body back has certainly shrunk the house back to it's previous state of intimacy. I think Faith finally gave back Heather's bedroom (and bed!) about a week after her return. Good things are hard to give up, you know! And then, Heather woke up her first morning rather ill, and has continued to go downhill as the time has progressed. Thank God, she woke up yesterday actually able to speak. We thought it was strep, it turned out to be "just" a wicked virus. Laundry has piled up, and so did Christmas with all it's festivities. We did manage a VERY nice welcome-home party on that Sunday - jetlag and all, with a Turkey feast that the pilgrims would have envied. All her friends showed up, and really made the day special. Her return to church that morning was wonderful...I just LOVED sitting next to her in service and sharing that intimacy that comes when you come to worship the Lord together. Utter sweetness.

We've had many changes...she was given the ok to return to work, just not that work. Her back just isn't up to any lifting or hunching over, not to mention sitting for really long periods of time. Her car insurance took a week to get approved. No medical yet, and she needs to get signed up at a college. Seems like there are so many decisions to be made. It's her life, you see. I can't live it. I can't take the pain in it. Oh, she still needs me. Just not the way she did. She's experienced things I never will, nor will she ever again. Everything is different now, because she is different now. And she is different. and yet the same. Still lovely, sweet, funny, composed. I see so much more in her eyes now...wisdom, knowledge, experience, depth, amusement. It's all part of growing up...change.
Here's the great news in all of this. God knows the direction He wants her to travel in. He's the One who shines the light on our path...and we have truly discovered that the light shines at our feet, not ahead. God knows the direction, and speaks so sweetly. He moves through His Spirit. And the Spirit is a wind we can feel, not a person we can see or touch. And He will direct her. He will move her, if she will just allow Him to move her like a petal in the wind.

Trees, lights, and decorations

2007-12-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here, reveling in the fact that all my kids are in one room at the same time, snuggled up in their jammies and watching a Christmas video together. Behind me is the, as yet, incomplete Christmas tree. The decorations haven't been completed, because Heather hasn't recovered from jet lag/illness and Faith won't work on the tree without her help. I love our tree. Decorations are another topic.

I think that decorations should reflect the person/family...not the ideas of a professional decorator. While I enjoy their gifting...I find myself lacking when I try my hand at a similar project. Our tree is...eclectic. Well, I should say, when ours is completely decorated, it is a menage of interesting and amusing, sometimes captivating, ornaments. I like that about our tree. Our decorations aren't fancy, in fact the most expensive thing about them are the lights we had to replace a couple of years ago. We have old balls, new tinsel in a box, mementos from children growing up and being added to the family, pictures framed in tree-shapes of deceased pets. We have candy-cane shapes, angels, crosses, snowmen and even a 2-seater bicycle I gave my husband one year to disguise his real gift. I love that we have memories in each shape, color and size.

Our tree may be unique, but I like it. It reveals our character, sense of humor, joy, and most importantly, our family memories. And isn't that a large part of Chritmas? the memories we make?

May yours be just as sweet, and memorable!

Grace and Peace

2007-12-15T15:56:00.001-08:00

Noooo!
I'm not ready!!!!

I just read Janet's blog, and it says the girls will be home in 2 hours. That can't be right, I'm not ready yet. Chuck just finished cleaning the carpets..they're WET. I haven't hardly touched the kitchen. Faith's room turned out to be the horror of all horrors..in fact, it looked like Heather's used to look when she was young and didn't want to clean, and didn't want me to know. WOW. Don't ever try to tell me they aren't related, I have proof! I had actually thought that I'd get Faith's all decorated (with her help) for Christmas today. silly me. And let's not discuss bathrooms.

You wonder why I am cleaning in a frenzy. Well, it's keeping my mind from wandering to an airplane. An airplane that flies over a huge body of water. An airplane that could crash. An airplane that could get snow-bound and not arrive in Minneapolis..ever. An airplane holding my precious child, and her two sweet friends that I have adopted in my heart. The frenzy is the medicine God gives me to keep my sanity. Not to mention Heather's friends are coming over tomorrow after church to celebrate Thanksgiving with her, and I want to be prepared. I like to be a good hostess.

Anyway...I'm not ready. I won't be ready...until I see her face and squeeze the ever-loving stuffing out of her. a hundred times or so.

God, grant me grace and peace!

Short-timer attitude

2007-12-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

My baby's coming home.

This is a huge statement for me. I am having a hard time wrapping reality around it. I think I am doing all the right things to prepare for it. I've washed her car...and I'm in the process of adding a coat of wax. I'm cleaning her room...Faith has inhabited it quite joyfully and it needs a good dusting. We are taking the car in to have it's little hiccup problem cared for today. I'm trying to focus on getting the house in shape after it's long appointment with clutter. But I am having such a hard time with distraction. Christmas season is here, you see. As you can tell, my mind was focused outward, instead of inward toward wifely things. I have yet to get much Christmas shopping done. Fortunately, my list isn't very long this year. I have taken on the added time-constraint of house/dog sitting for a week, starting today. Finances being what they are, it is a blessing - however, it is a bit sticky in the timing department.

What isn't reality is the emotion of it. Sooo many people are squealing with excitement when they find out the date. I'm not. I guess it's because it seems she is only coming for a visit. I have a strong suspicion that she is a short-timer in the "live at home" department. She seems to have grown quite the set of wings. I guess my heart has grown accustomed to the thought. Time will tell, though! Let's see what happens when I see her face close up, and hold her in the biggest hug you have ever seen. I have a feeling that all the emotions I've been looking for will find me, and settle in. Look out, Chuck, and have a box of Kleenex handy!

Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift

2007-12-08T17:09:00.000-08:00

Wow. Sitting down is painful. My feet and legs are talking, and it isn't a joke they are telling me!
It's been a very busy week, but one with a HUGE payoff. The women's Christmas Brunch was this morning. Since I am the "head volunteer" over this event, it means I am the first to arrive at every part, and the last to lock the door and leave. I spent a few hours shopping...several times. I made the centerpiece. GASP. I know, I know. I am not known as a craftsy person. "But God" (one of my favorite Biblical sayings) has a fabulous sense of adventure and humor. He gave me a vision..not of the whole event this time, but of the centerpieces. So, I set about making them. I have a picture of the prototype..the finished project looks much better.

So, that was an adventure that I just don't have the strength to re-tell. It did come out lovely, with the help of my sweet friend Clyrinda. SHE has the gift I covet. The gift of tissue paper. She is the queen! Somehow, I can't get it to fluff and fold properly. She says I try too hard, she may be right! Maybe it wasn't enough serious attention when mom was trying to teach me the task of laundry. I dunno. I do know that Clyrinda was my angel.

Next, there were all the phone calls lining up volunteers and assigning them tasks that fit with their schedule, and my needs. What a lovely group of women God blessed me with!! They were a joy to serve alongside. We had quite the party, ironing gargantuan tablecloths while listening to Christmas music. 5 hours later, the Sanctuary was set up, and the fellowship hall returned to a state of semi-confusion. Not bad, if I do say so myself!

Then, there was the shopping for the food. Brunch, you understand, requires much attention to detail in the way of lovely presentation, and yummy unusual foods. Women need their food to be filling, without over-filling. We simply cannot be seen stuffing ourselves. And if it doesn't look tempting and tantalizing, we don't even bother. We'd rather go home and raid the cupboard. So, with the amazing simplicity of Costco, we brunched on Roasted Red Pepper and Gouda Quiche (or Smoked Bacon and Cheddar), Cinnamon Pound Cake, and sliced Oranges. Add to that a coffee bar with 6, count 'em 6, flavored creamers, hot cocoa and hot apple cider. It was lovely. and Yummy!

Clean up was ... worth it. I got there at 7:15 this morning, and locked up at 1:45. Not bad, not bad! The rain gave us a wonderful Christmassy feel (this is San Diego, remember), the worship was lovely, the message perfectly in tune with the theme, and - Here's the best of all 2 ladies accepted the Lord for the first time.

What more could you ask for?

Don't ask my feet and legs that question, ok?

God is good, and my Christmas season is off to a marvelous start. Next: preparing for Heather's arrival Oh, if you could only see the smile on my face!

Catching Up

2007-12-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a long time since I've updated my blog. Seems time has been zipping by while I've had my mind in a million places at once. Perhaps, as we go by, you'll see why.

Let's go most recent, to the farthest back.

Here is the Christmas tree we just picked out to grace our Living room. It was really different picking it out without Heather. You see, she loves a tall, fat tree, and I love a nice Noble Fir. Since we seldom get a Noble, I had real hopes for this year. Heather usually gets her pick, you see. But, I thought I had less competition this year :D Mom that I am, I called and talked to my distant daughter. She put in her request (with emphasis) and you can see what we all picked to bring home. sigh. She must be greatly loved!!

This one ought to make you smile. This is the turkey dinner we made and sent to Heather, ready-to-eat. NOT. Heather was in Israel on Thanksgiving. There was no way possible to send her favorite meal over there, unless I wanted to give her a lovely case of Ptomaine. Sooo, Janet and I got together with Faith and did the next-best thing. We made these fun pins with great help from Faith, and mailed them to the girls before they left. It's amazing, we found out afterward that Donna got hers 3 days after mailing, Heather's took a full week, and Lauren got hers after she got back from her trip to Portugal, 3 weeks later! I guess that means she didn't get to wear it over there. Any bets whether Heather and Donna wore theirs??? I thought not.

These are pics from Thanksgiving Day at my in-law's. We had a very relaxed day. The food was amazing, the family was funny, and there was plenty of turkey to go around. Sorry, Heather. I promise to make you one when you get home!

She loves to have her picture taken. Notice Tom (the turkey), He enjoyed his day out, too. It was a great joke! Don't remember what it was, now, but you seldom see me laughing in pictures, so I put this one up just for you.
Great to see the grandparents were able to come.
Now, we move back in time to the gathering at my parent's house. We always meet earlier in the month so that everyone that has in-laws can get there to celebrate. My parents are great that way, they make allowances and give lots of grace.

Faith climbed the hill...she decided she was Queen once she got to the top. Funny thing..she always loves to climb that hill on Thanksgiving. Seems to be a tradition for her.

Crazy cousins played games out front after dinner. Burns off all those calories so there's room for dessert.
It's been a lovely season. I'm working on getting the house together for the Christmas season. Decorating is hard without Heather's perspective. I guess I'll find out how I did when she gets home. I'll just wait to see what she rearranges while I'm sleeping (:-D)

Did I mention she'll be home in 2 weeks?! I'm getting excited. I know she's changed. I hope she finds me changed, too. All for the better. May God continue to work in us, conforming us to the image of Christ, until His appearing.

Now, on to the Christmas Brunch I am organizing for church. That's next week, to be exact. Stories to follow, I'm sure.

Unicorn Birthdays

2007-11-16T21:38:00.000-08:00

Faith celebrated an early birthday party at Color Me Mine tonight.

The theme: Unicorns

She and 7 of her closest friends painted fun ceramics...and talked.

We had cheese-stuffed crust Pizza, Fruit punch, and of course birthday cake. And talked.

Then, we went back to the house, opened gifts, and settled down for a lovely viewing of Ratatouille. and talked.
After a brief 6 hour nap, we awoke, talking. Truth be told, someone was talking and sleeping. But I'm not saying whom. After a rousing breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes, sausages, and hot chocolate, we burned off steam playing balloon volleyball. and talked.

I love little girl birthday parties. I love serving them junk food. I love jammies and movies and giggling girls. But most of all, I love my little girl, and watching her grow up.

Colored Bands

2007-11-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

Faith has joined the ranks of children all over the world sporting colored rubber bands on her teeth. She is elated!

Now, most children don't really relish the thought of metal wires in their mouth, reshaping their teeth, gums, jawline and, overall, their very face. Faith isn't like them. She was so excited to get past the "palate expander" phase, that she begged her orthodontist to put a rush on it! She was given the grace of six weeks, in order to bypass the holidays. Not this girl! She wanted them installed the very next day. With a tolerant smile, she was given an appointment for 1 week.

We planned. We prepped. We got her teeth sparkling clean - a chore she really dislikes. We planned a lovely lunch full of crunchy edibles. We packed a tooth brush in our backpack, and warned the teacher we would leave school early. We even whispered the big event to our closest 20 friends (the whole class, of course!) We ran off, smiling from ear to ear...to our unknown fate.

I waited the 20 minutes in the office, smiling inside at the future that awaited her. She came out grinning behind locked lips. The color choice was hers, and hers alone, to reveal. She waited...she smiled...she beamed. A small mouth of pink. She chose light pink and dark pink because "she saw them next to each other and they were so pretty she just couldn't chose anything else!" Color, you see, is everything.

We ran back to school, eager to show off our new addition. She walked up to the lunch table to shouts of "Faith, let me see! let me see!" She just couldn't hold it in another second. She beamed. I have to tell you, my mother's heart was beating a strange tattoo, wondering what her reception would be. Children are beginning to be cruel at this age. I held my breath...briefly, it turned out. There were numerous shouts of :"Faith, they look BEAUTIFUL!" by boys and girls alike. WHEW!! How wonderful to hear God bless my little girl with the joyous voices of her classmates. They really celebrated with her. I hope she understands when she's older what a true gift that was. It is forever printed on my mind, and my heart.

Fairies and Pumpkins

2007-10-31T19:45:00.000-07:00

Harvest has arrived in Santee.

As you can see, Faith has been busy. She planned and comprised her whole "Fairy" costume herself. Didn't she do a fabulous job?! She had a little more trouble planning her pumpkin. You see, we don't celebrate halloween here. We choose to celebrate the abundance of blessings the Lord has poured out upon us. In this season of trials, changes, and firestorms we had much to be thankful for. She wanted a pumpkin that showed her joy, her sense of beauty, and the reason for living. Her Jesus. Of course, putting flowers, hearts, and butterflies on a medium sized, orange, scored round object is delicate at best. Asking Dad to carve them is even more delicate. She auditioned many different choices. Many hours of research. We have on display, top of the crate, her masterpiece.

I believe it to be a huge success!

Since our church decided not to put on a Harvest Festival this year, Dad and Faith chose to drop in on the one at Sonrise Christian Fellowship. Take a peek at the fun they had:

It was a very fun night. Since we are running out of mini Oreo cookie packets, Faith has opted to give out the candy she received that her orthodontist would frown upon. I think the message of love and kindness on a night when evil would rather reign is truly living on in her heart.

Fairies are definitely ready for sweet dreams!

Giddy Voices

2007-10-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

I just got the most excited phone call I've heard in ages...it was practically giddy! Heather's grandma just called to tell me that she had a nice, long chat with her this morning. I can't tell you what this has done for her. Her feet weren't on the floor...she hadn't had her coffee yet and I don't think she needs any now! She said it was marvelous to sit and talk like Heather had no where else to go, and all the time in the world.

It's amazing what the sound of a loved-one's voice can do. The sound of a child's giggle can light up a room. Daddy praying over the meal brings unity. Mama's voice singing a lullaby can still an emergency room.

Heather didn't have to call her grandparents. She could have chosen a letter or email. She could have chosen to call any number of people who love her and miss her. To be frank, she hasn't called a soul since she got there that I know of. I don't know how she worked this tiny miracle, but I am wholly touched. Thank you, Heather. You have blessed a multitude with your simple act of love and kindness, and time.

The Eye of the Storm

2007-10-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like a fire to remind you of what's important in life.

San Diego county is engulfed in either flames, smoke, ash, or all three tonight. This isn't the first time this has happened. We went through very similar conditions almost 4 years ago to the day. The biggest difference is that last time, Santee was encircled by flames and covered in at least an inch of ash. Santa Ana winds and drought conditions make a perfect scenario for this mess. I have to admit to being a "nervous Nellie" yesterday, something I rarely feel, much less acknowledge. I didn't really get peace until I loaded up boxes of dry/canned food and left them by the door, ready to throw into the trailer for an immediate escape. We hooked the trailer up to the car at 9:00 last night...just in case. Now, today I find myself in a circle of almost clear air and no wind...something I imagine being in the eye of a hurricane must look and feel like. Kind of eerie...yet not. The rest of the county is inflamed. I am thankful to be prepared (almost), but even more thankful that I am the one making calls to see if my friends/family/Bible Study ladies are ok, instead of being the one in the path of destruction this time. I don't know why the winds blow the way they do, I don't know why one house goes up in smoke and one across the street doesn't. It isn't for me to know. It is for me to pray. To trust God. To offer any comfort and hope I have. To offer my goods to those in need, when called upon, to the best of my ability.

What I am finding, is down time. We are conserving electricity because SDG&E has cautioned us that we are short 40% of our normal supply lines. We are conserving cell phone usage so the emergency services get priority time. We are conserving energy, since going outside can really mess up your breathing. So...what are we doing? We are keeping each other company. We are praying. Faith is busy rediscovering friendships, and cementing a new one with the neighbor across the street. We turned a bedroom into a haven for girls and had a sleepover last night. We had a pedicure party in the living room. We are rediscoving the joy of conversation. We are realizing, again, what a blessed people we are.

I was watching the news yesterday, and one of the primary newscasters was watching his house finish burning to the ground. A home he had lived in for more than 25 years. I found it most remarkable that, while watching, he was realizing (partly) his loss, but kept commenting from the heart how happy he was that his family was safe. He truly had his priorities in the right place. His heart was sad..of course! But his life wasn't over. And believe me, that wasn't what others were saying. I heard one fool state his great loss over his favorite television set. I heard elderly people at Qualcomm stadium rejoicing over the comfortable sleeping bags they had, the abundance of food they were fed, and the overwhelming kindness of strangers. I heard today that they had to turn away the over-abundance of donations from individuals at the stadium. People are giving all they have for the needs of others. Churches have turned their properties into homes. Mall parking lots are housing horses, zebras, and donkeys. Hotels are sending chef-created hot meals to shelters. Off-duty medical personnel are ministering in abundance.

God is still on His throne. He's given us the opportunity to re-evaluate our prorities, our abundance, and His place in our lives. Our deep need for eternal hope and permanence, because one day all this will be gone. For good. May we be found sharing the gospel - the good news that never fails!

A good story

2007-10-19T21:01:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I have spent many uncountable days in this very place, doing this very thing. It is the essence of warmth, comfort, fellowship, friendship, and community for me. It brings joy to my heart, and a smile to my lips.

Thanks, Faith, for joining me on the couch for a good story, a good cuddle, and good conversation. Now, all that's missing is a good fire in the fireplace, the sound of rain on the roof, and Heather.

I love my girls!

Autumn Vacation

2007-10-15T19:36:00.000-07:00

Well, we decided it was time to get out of Dodge..so we headed to our favorite camping spot: Silver Strand State Beach. Now, I know that most people don't think to go to the beach in the fall. And I certainly don't want much competition for my favorite campsite...but I have to tell you how absolutely lovely it was. When we arrived (very late on Friday), it was partly-cloudy and cool. We pulled right into our spot alongside our very bestest friends, Janice and Richard.
We had a lovely steak dinner (around 8:30..ugh!), roasted a few marshmallows, and put the whole family + 1 to bed. Awakened in the morning to the sweet sound of rainshowers on the roof and very wet surroundings. NO problem! We cooked up breakfast and headed into the large RV next to us for a lovely showing of the original "The Parent Trap". Lovely therapy! Afterwards, the sun came out, dried us out, and we were ready to hit the sand for a great time of relaxation and refreshment.

One of the most marvelous things I saw this weekend was a clam...returning to it's natural habitat. I have to tell you, I've been to the beach A Lot! Yet I have never seen a live clam dig itself back into the sand to hide. It was fascinating and wonderful...God is so very creative and amazing!

Of course, you can NEVER miss a beautiful Ocean sunset...

Dinner was marvelous! After several strolls around the campground, we settled down for some S'mores, Campfire, and a rousing game of 20Q!

Don't you know it, the day you have to leave is always the most beautiful. Makes you want to run home and plan the next camping trip...right away!

I'm so glad we took some down time and just relaxed. It was wonderful.

Firsts

2007-10-08T19:17:00.000-07:00

We have had a series of firsts around here. Let me share them with you.

First of all: Faith went to an overnight birthday party with someone she hadn't known terribly long. Now, this in itself is unusual. Faith likes to spend the night with someone in her own house. Safe and secure, all things in their usual places, all sounds and lights as they should be. Parents in their proper beds, dog preferably in hers. Well, she has been becoming buddies with a girl from class last year named Alyssa. Alyssa is in her class again this year, and invited Faith to her party. She came home from school positively alight with delight and joy. After talking to Alyssa's mom, we gave hearty approval. Now, Faith has attempted to spend the night before, with great trepidation and death-grips around my throat as she kissed me good-by. Only to call hours later desperate to come home. Or, if she did manage to stay, it was because some loving woman had the determination to keep the child from calling home all night long. This time, there was less nervousness, no clinging, happy children who greeted her at the door and ushered her into joy and kindness. No phone calls. No choking tears. No regrets for having gone.

The next first: Chuck and I had an evening all to ourselves, no children anywhere in sight! The obvious reason: Heather is in England, Faith was partying. Oh, how sweet it was to know that the girls were in God's capable care and we could just let our guard down and relax! It was a night of remembrance: old movie, pizza and salad, snuggling on the couch. Of course, mom that I am, I fell asleep on the couch waiting for the phone to ring, summoning me to pick up my sensitive child. I stumbled to bed at 11:30, surprised and pleased.

The last first: I made a pumpkin pie completely from scratch! You see, I love autumn. Autumn is crisp, cold at night and warm during the day. Autumn is falling leaves, warm sweaters, and anticipation of holidays to come. We had just returned from Bates Nut Farm, and the thought of pumpkin pie was just too much temptation for us all. So, feeling domestic, I bit the bullet today. I cut open a pumpkin, skinned it, pared it, and plopped it in a pot to boil. I mashed it, then added the wonderful seasonings that make Thanksgiving so much fun. After we had a lovely bowl of hot soup for dinner, we drooled with delight as we sat down to warm pumpkin pie with Whipped Cream. YUM!

Good Firsts. Good memories. Great God.

* don't worry Heather, I saved some pumpkin filling for when you get home!

A Good Day

2007-10-06T18:51:00.001-07:00

Well..the annual family trek to Bates Nut Farm was today. It's something we look forward to every fall. We love the wind, the trees, the leaves landing on our heads, the sights and smells. We love the color orange...everywhere. This year, we had a new "fourth" to our group: Faith's new friend Mikaylin took over Heather's seat in the car and kept the chatter up the whole way. It was a lovely day...a slight cool breeze reminded us that Autumn had arrived.

They started their time in the corn maze. Friendly competition and fast feet began the journey to find all 8 stations. Faith finally found the path and got all her stamps, Chuck had to help Mikaylin a little bit.

Next stop: to get faces painted. It's always good to have a reminder of your day when you get home..something to show off to the neighborhood. What a decision! So many choices! A taste of the holiday to come: Harvest

Of course, you must have your picture taken in original, farm attire!

Of course, what is a trip to a farm without a Hay Ride??? We got in line with the other excited travellers, anticipating a wagon pulled by lovely dapple-gray draft horses. A swift change, and we got to experience what Festus on Gunsmoke lived on a day-to-day basis: a Mule ride! Somehow, it just wasn't the same.

And then, for the finale, picking out the pumpkins. I have to tell you, I really missed Heather at this point. She has such an artistic eye, she can find whatever pumpkin she is looking for, no matter what shape she has in mind. It's a true gift. The pumpkins were a bit different this year, more uniform in shape. Not as much variety in size. However...persistence definitely pays off!

Mission Accomplished, thanks to Daddy. Another memory for the books. We took our weary feet, and extra-large bag of Kettle Corn, home with a smile. While we missed Heather today...it was good to keep the history going and the memory books filled for Faith.

A good day.

A Taste of Home

2007-09-25T16:55:00.000-07:00

I am getting ready to send Heather another care package...and couldn't fit myself in it. (:D) I also couldn't fit in something she loves, something the two of us enjoy very much. It's the pears off the tree in our yard. So...Heather..here is a sampling from our crop this year. I know you can't really taste them, so let me assure you that they are a sweet, juicy, flavorful batch of goodness.

I really enjoy putting together little packages for the girls (I know she shares!) It's fun to think about what might bring a sense of home, help, or just plain silliness. I wish the box I could afford to send was bigger. It just isn't. The sense of surprise is what brings me such delight. I like surprises - the gift kind, anyway. And I really like to give them. There's something about someone putting some thought into what might bless you that brings the greatest sense of love to me. It truly is the thought that counts.

So, Heather my love, here's the thought that counts. A taste of home.

Beauty

2007-09-22T18:02:00.000-07:00

I just saw the most beautiful picture, I have to share it.

I happen to think that it speaks volumes.

Look at the colors.

Look at the clarity in the eyes

Look at the smile

THIS is a face that is joyful, content, glowing.

I love it sooo much!

I can't wait to see this face in person!

Heart's Desires

2007-09-16T11:40:00.000-07:00

I am sooo excited!

Heather is preparing for a (another, in fact) dream of a lifetime. A trip to Israel. I can't tell you how long she has longed for this. When she broached the subject openly the first time, years ago, her dad had an immediate answer: NO. Dad's do that. They consider the cost, the safety factor, the emotional cord and it's ability to stretch without breaking. Mom's consider the last part, too, only they seem to be more willing to push the baby bird out of the nest.

Now, I don't share this deep dream with Heather, not that I don't want to go experience it also. But, for her, it is something so much more than a country with stories to tell. It holds mysteries and beauties that her artistic eye and heart can only dream of. And so, with trepidation, she signed up. With trepidation, because there is so much here to consider. So much so, that she called home to talk about it. Now that part gives my heart it's great joy. She wanted to share her heart with us, and gain counsel, before she committed. What parent doesn't delight in that?! So, I quickly consulted the Spirit and gave the only counsel I could: pray...and pay. I want to see her fulfill her heart's desires as best she can. I want her to experience all the Lord has for her while she is wholly focused on exactly that. I want her to fly.

It's funny...I'm still cheering as she flies away.

Gifts

2007-09-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

The package arrived! yeah!

It took 12 days from start to finish, and when I asked Lauren if she had heard that Heather got a package, all she could say was..."You mean the Brownie Mix? YUM!"

I love that no matter where they are, they stay true to their chocolate preferences!

I am still waiting to hear what Heather thought of all the stuff jammed inside it...I hope it was a blessing and a cause for laughter.

the Home Front

2007-09-06T20:38:00.000-07:00

Another week has passed. I imagine this picture is what my girl's room at the college looks like, only with bunk beds. I imagine this for 2 reasons: 1) her room at home should look this neat when she is occupying it! 2) I have no pics of her "flat" and therefore have no other point of reference. This picture thing is rather important to me right now. I have been able to talk with Heather. I have laughed (a lot), cried (some), and listened and shared news. But I have not "seen" her in her new home. It is the one thing I find most frustrating. I am no longer sad, wishing she were here with me (I am most content in that area.) I have never been worried about her safety or calling. What I can not do is "imagine" where she is living, and therefore can't "imagine" the impact she is having on it, and it on her. I feel like she got her first apartment, and I haven't been invited over to view it. Silly, perhaps, but true.

On the home-front, we are settling into a routine. Chuck is back to work, Faith is getting on track doing homework. I am back to walking with my friend in the mornings. Cooking seems easier and harder at the same time. I keep reminding myself that it doesn't matter if Heather likes a dish or not, it's Faith's palate that has to be accounted for. Laundry is less. Night times are still a bit off...no girl to wait up for and fill in on the day. I find myself running to the computer a lot more to see if she's online. I guess old habits die hard. I like sharing my late-nights with my owl. But all-in-all, we are settling in.

I'm dying to see what happens when the package I sent arrives in England.