Becoming

I heard the other day that change is good. My first reaction was: NO! It's NOT!

I don't like change. Well, to be honest, I don't mind change. When it is me making the choice, then I'm all for it. I give it all the enthusiasm it deserves. But change thrust upon me unannounced and unprepared for is a no-no. I like to be in charge, you see. I've discovered a great joy in organizing events and people. It's not that I need fanfare or applause, or even to be recognised all that much. I just like to put things into motion and be able to have input in how it's all going to go. I like control. I used to believe that I belonged up on stage, stirring people to action or a change in how they view things, yet circumstances and opportunities have left me in the background, and I am quite delighted and challenged to do just that. It doesn't come naturally to me. oh no. Yet here I am.

I've been thinking about change a lot lately. There have been many of them since December. Heather coming home is a biggie. Faith turning 9 has been huge. Change in me because of the things God is leading me through and conforming me out of/into. I have found myself embracing some of them, and really groaning over the others.

I have been told that the process of change may be difficult, but the change itself is good. I guess I can agree with that one. God didn't leave me as He found me, and He isn't going to leave me the way I am now. He is going to change me. He is going to make me like Jesus. And that is good.

Decaf or Regular

Sometimes I claim to be decaf but in reality I am regular or vise versa. Sometimes what I give to people is not who I am. God has been unraveling this truth about myself. Do your insides match your outsides? Sometimes we think we have it all together but in reality we have nothing together. I guess what I am trying to say is that I have lived in false places and thought it was alright to live there 'cause no one really knew the truth about me, and as long as they believed differently, then it was alright. The beauty of God is that He sees right through us and that He loves us enough to call our bluff. But not only calling our bluff, but also helping us walk out of it to truly be what we claim to be. ~Shawn MacDonald

These words ring in truth deep inside me. I understand the heart of this, and lately I have been convicted of living it. I wonder what people would think if they saw the "real" me. Would they be shocked? People call me so spiritual. They see me as a leader. A counselor. Someone who knows so much of the Truth. Well, maybe I do, and maybe I am. But God sees the inside. He sees the questions I have unanswered, and unasked. The ones He is patiently waiting to reveal in me so He can answer them. For example, lately, He has spoken to me on the topic of "grace." I used to think I understood grace. The fact that I don't have to earn God's love. That I am saved by faith in Christ Jesus alone. I thought I lived in it, and lived an example of it. WELL. I started to study the book of Galatians and was told that "I HAVE been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me." Well then! Ponder that one a while, and consider the sin we live in each day. Come to find out, I don't really have to pray. I don't really have to do anything. I get to. How amazing is that???? How freeing??? I don't have to feel guilty because I fall asleep saying my prayers. Don't get me wrong, I behave out of love for my Savior. I respond out of love. I GET to pray. I GET to have fellowship with God. But, there is no guilt attached, just forgiveness and grace. Abundant grace. Ponder that one a while!

So, you see, I am decaf and regular, all at the same time. I am a sinner. I am also forgiven. I live in this body of death, but live in grace and forgiveness. The hard part, for me, is to recognize when I am taking advantage of grace and not abiding in Christ. I want people to see what grace has done for me, not a covering of knowledge without the heart to go with it.

New Year Festivities

As a return to old traditions, we spent our New Year's weekend at a cabin in the woods with extended family. This is the little "Golson Cabin" that we stayed in. A funny little place, but it seemed to suit us. We did move in a day late, as I was quite a bit under the weather and unable to drive up to Idyllwild.

We got all settled in. Faith brought her friend Angelyna, and they

really settled in! We had games, toys, clothing, cold-weather gear, and hair supplies everywhere! They were truly content!

Next, it was time for some fresh air and excersize. There really wasn't much in the way of snow, but with a little imagination, and a strong kick, you can make snowballs and attempt to bury the other side!

After all that fun in the sun, it was time for games with the older cousins. "Clue" kept them all busy, with some good snacks to go with it.

Mind you, the kitchen was a bit of a challenge, but I love a good challenge when it comes to serving people good munchies!

Evenings held all the warmth of friendship, a cozy fire in the fireplace, a good movie and sweet conversation. It's good to catch up with family, and renew old relationships. (note the faces in the window!)

We also had a rousing game of "Apples to Apples" with the whole

family - all 16 of us! From grandparents to youngest cousin, it was a great way to spend New Year's evening.

Happy New year...may it be filled with all the warmth of family, friends and love of God in Jesus!